It's always the "almost relationships" that hurt the most. The book with unfinished chapters and an unknown ending. Why?
It's the seductive promise of an untold future. They leave us with lingering thoughts of what if? What if I said this instead of that? What if I tried harder to make him love me?
One-sided love has its strengths, but it also has its limitations. It's difficult and frustrating to get over someone you never dated, and we've all most likely been there. You can't even be angry with the person because there hasn't been an actual breakup.
It's tough to let go of someone you never had. That is why I'm here to help you on your healing journey. Let's find out how to get over someone you never dated.
1. LOSE THEIR NUMBER!
The first step to letting go is getting rid of their number. I know, I know. Right now, it sounds impossible, but it's going to be worth it in the long run.
"But he still likes my posts."
"She replied to my snap the other day."
"He posted _______, which means he must still like me!"
Staying in touch with this person you're still not over keeps you stuck in a quagmire of false hope. Checking up on them and making assumptions about how they're doing and their life today slows down your healing journey. Allowing them to contact you or check in on your life at their leisure prevents you from truly healing and moving on.
It's like repeatedly ripping the scab off a wound. If you know they're following your life, it influences what you post and keeps you connected to them. Do yourself a favor and remove this individual from your environment for a bit so you can heal.
Unfollow or block them, so you're not tempted to spy on them or wonder if they're spying on you. Blocking is not malicious; it is an act of self-love and self-preservation. It doesn't have to be this way forever; it just has to be until you feel like you've moved on.
2. Stop Reading Your Old Texts and Conversations
There was a time when you could talk to your crush at all hours of the day about anything and everything. There was nothing you wouldn't share. Every waking hour, you either spend hours chatting to them or texting them.
But that moment has passed. Stop scrolling through your old conversations. Seeing all those flirty comments, heart emojis, and heartfelt discussions will release feelings you once had toward that person.
When overwhelmed with that much emotion and nostalgia, you might end up doing something reckless such as texting them (or even double texting), which would take you so many steps back. Remember that the atmosphere between you and that person which once existed is no longer there, and you need to accept that. Re-reading the messages would be deceiving yourself that you are still in that space.
3. Let Yourself Be Sad
This might sound obvious, but believe it or not, it is something people often overlook. The reason you find it hard to get over someone you never dated is because you don't allow yourself to go through the emotions and feelings that person ignited in you. You think, well, we never dated, so it would be pathetic to cry over them.
It doesn't help that people around us advise us to move on and forget those people. Not allowing yourself to feel sad or upset that things didn't work out can be detrimental to your mental and emotional health. So give yourself some time to grieve.
Treat them as an actual ex because once you permit yourself to feel however you are feeling, eventually those feelings will become less intense. You will then be a step closer to severing your emotional ties to this person.
4. Make A Pros and Cons List
By making this list, you recognize that person's weaknesses and strengths. First, make your pros list. What were the qualities that you found attractive in them?
Maybe it was their sense of humor or dorkiness. Once you've made this list, read through it. You'll realize the qualities you value so much in this person aren't that hard to find in others. There are a lot of fish in the sea, and you've just begun fishing, darling!
Then make a list of what you disliked about them. Was it the lack of communication? Their tardiness?
Their habit of leaving dishes overnight? This list will help you stop looking at this person through rose-colored glasses and acknowledge their flaws. Reminding yourself of reality is a melancholy yet effective way to go forward. You might find out you weren't even compatible!
5. Rebuild Your Confidence and Self-Esteem
When someone looks at you and doesn't realize you're in love with them, it hurts and lowers your self-esteem. You develop poor self-esteem because you believe you are not attractive, fascinating, or intellectual enough to capture their attention.
Instead of focusing on those that don't appreciate you, pay heed to those that do. There is one person in your life that will always love you and have your back no matter what. That person is you.
So work on loving yourself. Love and appreciate yourself so much that you don't seek external love and validation.
6. Pamper Yourself
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You've spent all this time investing all your love and energy in someone who didn't do the same for you, and this can harm your mental state. Think of your mental state as a phone. Right now, your love battery is depleted, which means you need to recharge.
You can't love anyone if you hardly have enough love for yourself. Take some time to do things that give you fulfillment, joy, and relaxation. Go to the spa, visit your favorite restaurant and spend time with some loved ones.
You need to take care of your mental and physical health. After all, a broken heart can't survive in a healthy body and positive mind. So, for the first time in a long time, enjoy and nourish yourself.
7. Spend Time With Loved Ones
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Spending time with friends and family is one of the few things in life that cost very little, but the rewards are substantial. Spending time with people that love and care for you will increase your sense of belonging and purpose, reduce stress, and boost your self-esteem. When you, your family and friends spend time together, you feel loved and valued, which helps you create a positive mindset and image of yourself.
It's beneficial for your health that you connect with those around you. So take your bestie out for lunch or a coffee date. Go on a fun road trip with some close friends. Take a cooking class with your parents or host a family game night.
8. Try Meditation
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Sitting with emotions that you don't want to acknowledge may seem like the last thing you want to do, yet it is a necessary stage in the healing process. When going through a heartbreak, it's easy to get into a "glass half empty" mindset. It's all too tempting to focus on "what's wrong with this moment" rather than "what's right." Meditation assists you in seeing the glass as half full. It will help you reach a state of gratitude for everything in your life.
Integrating mindfulness activities into your routine can be beneficial. So take a few minutes each day to meditate and reflect on your relationship. Meditation induces a calming light trance known as the alpha state.
In this delightful condition, you might imagine yourself as happy, joyous, and loving once more. You can employ mental rehearsal to fool your brain when in this state. Your frontal cortex does not distinguish between fiction and reality when you are in the alpha state, allowing you to reverse the physiological effects of your agonizing heartbreak.
9. Make a Moving On Playlist
Whether it's to cuss out your "almost lover" or cry your heart out, moving on playlists are essential. A moving on playlist is all the songs that make you feel like a baddie and the songs that have you sobbing in seconds over how much you miss your ex. "Music affects the limbic system of the brain, a mid-brain interior section that responds emotionally," says relationship therapist Tammy Nelson. "When we listen to music, the limbic system reacts with chills, excitement, joy, sadness, and anger." Think of music as a crutch that will help you through your heartbreak.
Recommended playlist: Someone had to be his hot ex 🔪💖 - Jessica Foxx
Related Reads: 10 songs about moving on by Emily Laurence
10. Give it Time
Be patient and have faith in the process. The amount of time required will depend on how intense your sentiments were and how close you are to the individual at hand. The entire procedure could take several weeks, months, or even years.
Finally, keep in mind that there is no set timeline for mending a broken heart. You are free to take as much time as you need to get over someone. Sometimes it takes a long time, perhaps longer than seems sensible to you.
It can be traumatic at times. That's OK. Putting your heart on the line and experiencing emotions is never a shameful deed.
Just remember: this will also pass. You deserve more than unrequited love. So stop sacrificing your mental health for someone living their best life. Focus on you.