TV shows and movies romanticize teen relationships, with extravagant acts of love and long-term relationships that last all of high school. Real life never does measure up, does it? I’ve heard of dozens of relationships that barely lasted anywhere from two weeks to two months.

Why do teens find it so hard to commit? And what about those couples that last years? What’s their secret?

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Developing Years

Middle school and high school are when we change the most. We find new interests, new hobbies, new obsessions. Instead of My Little Pony and tricycling, teens switch to Stranger Things and skateboarding. These are the years we start to figure out who we are as people and what we want to become.

The constant changing makes it hard to find someone who’s willing to love all those variations, who matches all your hopes and dreams at a time when they could switch every few months. It’s okay to outgrow people. We don’t usually stay friends with the same kids we were close to in elementary, middle or even high school.

Relationships are the same way. It’s okay to leave someone because you’ve changed, even if they didn’t do anything wrong.

The teen relationships that last are those that learn to love each other through every version. Despite the highs, the lows, the mood shifts, the changing aspirations. You have to choose someone you’re willing to care for no matter who they become. That kind of love is hard to find, but it’s beautiful when you do.

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Rushing

As kids, we’re constantly in a hurry to grow up. To move out, to make our own decisions, to get into our first relationships. We’re rash and unpredictable, not thinking before we act and making decisions just to spite our parents because we’re teenagers and that’s what we do.

Relationships shouldn’t be that way. You have to know someone almost as much as you know yourself. You have to understand who they are—their fears, their hopes, their ambitions—and make sure you’re okay with that. It’s hard to maintain a relationship with one person who wants to travel the world, while the other wants to settle down and start a family.

There’s no rush, especially when you’re still a teenager. Wait four months to a year—however long it takes—until you know they’re someone you can imagine a real life with. A whole life.

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Leaving

Sometimes it’s hard to say no to a relationship. To wait for the right person. To leave.

But it doesn’t have to be.

You don’t have to exist in a relationship to feel like you’re worthy of being loved. Don’t settle for the bare minimum when you deserve the world. Too many people fear never finding the right person, so they choose someone easy, not someone they love.

Or you might find someone who’s sweet and kind and caring, even if you’re not in love, and feel like you’re obligated to stay in the relationship because they’re a good person. What you don’t realize is you’re only wasting each other’s time because your partner deserves real love, not a facade of it. You both do.

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Others hesitate to leave a relationship because they’ve been in one for so long. It’s hard to leave someone you’ve grown so dependent on, to stay true to who you are without your other half. It’s not easy to go from years of someone loving you to being alone again.

But people outgrow each other and that’s okay. Besides, you know what? You survived years before without a relationship and now you’re older and more experienced—you can do it again. There is so much more to life, so much more to you.

No more excuses. Be willing to leave. Be willing to say no.

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Lost Meaning

Love has lost its meaning over the years. Relationships and marriage don’t share the same sacredness it once did. Instead of dedication, understanding and commitment, too much of society has shifted it to external validation, bare minimum and indifference.

I can’t count the amount of times I’ve heard of relationships ending in one person ghosting the other, refusing to communicate or quite honestly not caring about each other in the first place. Sometimes people choose to be with someone just to be in a relationship, not because of happiness or love, but rather to feel loved. Others see all their friends getting into relationships and feel left out, while some just don’t want to hurt the others’ feelings.

Remember to choose love for both of you, not just for one of you.

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So, What Is Love Supposed To Mean?

Love means looking into the eyes of your partner and feeling a rush of happiness knowing they will always be by your side. Love means falling in love with every version of your soulmate. Love means the willingness to sacrifice your wellbeing for the benefit of the other. Love means not being able to imagine a world without them.

Love isn’t just something you feel, it’s something you say, it’s something you see, it’s something you do.

When you squeeze their hand for comfort, when you come home with flowers to make them smile, when you hug them like you’ll never let go.

Love isn’t contentedness or acceptance or a tool for advancement.

Love is devotion and adoration and enchantment.

You deserve it all.

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