A few months ago, a friend of mine tried to take her own life. I didn’t find out until a few weeks ago. She was an old friend I used to talk to every day, but as time went on, life pulled us apart, and we eventually lost touch.
However, one random Tuesday night, on a whim, I decided to call her. Surprisingly, she answered. We talked for a while, but something was off. Her voice—it wasn’t the same. There was a distance, a fragility, like she was slipping away, fading right between my fingers.
That’s when she told me she had swallowed a bottle of pills.
I asked her why—not because I wanted to know, I already knew why she did it. Truth was I’d always known subconsciously, but never had the courage to connect the dots and actually do something about it. Shame wasn’t strong a enough word for what I felt. I asked simply because the crushing silence had wrenched away my ability to say anything else.
She said, ‘I felt numb, you know? Life comes along, chews you up, till nothing is left of you. And I couldn’t live with nothing.
The last few days, I acted happier so no one would suspect anything, maybe that happiness was real but at that point I wasn't sure of anything I was feeling. I saved up my pills and gave away my possessions. When the episodes would hit, the voices became louder, their phantom fingers ghosting around my throat, tightening and threatening till I could taste fear itself. And bleach, there was always a strong smell of it, wafting through my pores, seething through my skin. Till it became the only thing I could smell, the only thing I could hear. I knew this was the only way out, and no one could stop me. So at the end, when the pain became overwhelming and my insides tried to churn their way out, all I could think was, at least this is the end. ’
Her words are only 1 of thousands: every 40 seconds someone dies by suicide. Chances are, by the time you finish reading this article someone may be lost. I feel compelled to say that before we delve into the intricacies of advocating for help, it is of the utmost essence to first understand the psychology behind suicide.
A Psychological insight into suicide
A couple years ago, Dr Thomas Joiner, a Clinical Psychologist at Florida State University, developed the Interpersonal-Psychological Theory of Suicide. Dr. Joiner states that the root to wanting to end your own life stems from three key elements: perceived burdensomeness, lost belongingness and acquired capability.
Perceived burdensomeness contrary to its literal meaning, goes beyond just feeling like a burden. It is in opposition to our regular feelings such as guilt, anger and sadness. Burdensomeness is a constant feeling, mutually exclusive to the belief that removing ones selves from the lives of their loved ones would be a relief or even a benefit for them. This abject mindset feeds on the idea that their death would be of greater value than their life, and fundamentally frames suicide in an altruistic manner.
Lost belongingness is the psychological term that describes physical and emotional disconnect from the people around us. It is not necessarily a physical state of isolation but is often manifested as a psychological barrier. The person may feel isolated even when surrounded by others, which in the long run can lead to mental disorders such as depression and anxiety.
Lastly, acquired capability is the gradual desensitization to the fear of pain. This is usually observed in patients who are repeatedly exposed to self-harm or death. We often underestimate the immense willpower it takes to override the body’s instinct to survive.
As humans, our first act is to breathe when we are born. Our body constantly fights to pump our blood. So we must ask ourselves, how profoundly miserable someone might be to override every cell in their body that screams to live?
Warning signs observed in a suicidal person
- Extreme mood swings
- Lack of energy
- Sleeping too much or too less
- Giving away their belongings
- Storing up medication
- Sudden change in energy, like being way too happy or too sad.
Who is most at risk?
- People suffering from mental illness such depression or anxiety
- People who commit self-harm
- People who suffer from PTSD
- Men aged 75 and older
- Veterans
- People with a family history of self-harm and suicide
- Substance abusers.
Supporting Others: How to Be There
13.2 million people seriously think about suicide. 3.8 million people made a plan for suicide. 1.6 million people attempted suicide. These are not just numbers; they represent real living individuals who suffer daily due to the lack of support and awareness. It is often the people closest to you—the ones you think you know everything about—who never tell you. So if you notice any warning signs or suspect that they may be suicidal, find a way to support them.
Ways to support them
- Be empathetic
- Validate their feelings
- If they have a plan, ask them about it.
- Reassure them that you are there for them, and that they aren’t alone.
- Help them get professional help
Taking care of your own wellbeing
At times, helping ourselves can be much more difficult than seeking to help others. People are reluctant to seek help for fear of being perceived differently or being categorized as 'insane'. It is essential that we overcome this stigma, educate ourselves, and spread awareness about suicide.
Suicide shouldn't be a taboo 'hush hush' topic. It is a real issue that takes the lives of millions of people every year.
If you find yourself relating to any of the warning signs, seek help. Do not be afraid.
Ways to Help Yourself:
- Get Professional Help: Consult a mental health professional for guidance and support.
- Tell Someone You Love and Trust: Share your feelings with someone you care about.
- Be Aware of Your Triggers: Understand what situations or emotions may trigger distress.
- Be Careful with Drugs and Alcohol: Avoid substances that can exacerbate mental health issues.
- Use Breathing Exercises During an Episode: Practice techniques like deep breathing to help manage stress.
Remember, what you are feeling is real. Do not hesitate to get help.