I sit on my bed with tears in my eyes trying to find the words to express how I really feel. I feel a sense of hopelessness, sadness, and loss of interest in daily activities. Most would say this sounds like depression.
Well, those people are right. Depression is the #1 silent killer amongst teens and young adults today. In most cases, depression is connected with a traumatic experience in someone's life whether it is a loss of a job, breakup, death of a loved one, etc.
If you're reading this, you may be struggling with depression or know someone who is. I want to tell you that you are not alone! My father passed away when I was only 17.
After my father passed, I was diagnosed with severe depression. Many times I still find myself on the edge of contemplating whether or not my life matter anymore. Life is very hard.
It seems like we are all alone even when we are in a room full of family and friends. It is hard to speak out because we fear no one will believe us or everyone will think we are crazy. No matter how bad we want to, giving up is not an option anymore.
My bestfriend committed suicide 3 weeks ago and I feel awful. I constantly seek answers for why it happened or why he was so sad. Well, the problem is he probably did not even know what was causing him so much pain either.
A loss for words to express how he felt...a sense of hopelessness...that is exactly how I feel.Think about the people we leave behind. We have a host of loved ones who will be hurt by our actions. It is okay not to be okay. We have to speak out and heal from those things that hurt us.
Since kindergarten, I was bullied for reasons I could not even justify. I know - this world is cruel and people are mean. That is no excuse to feel like less of a person though.
People always felt like I was privelaged and that being mixed meant that I was accepted by everyone, but in reality I was not accepted by anyone. Kids would pull my hair and cut my ponytails, so when my mom picked me up from school she would ask me why I took my hair a loose. They called me ugly and fat, so I ate my lunch after school while waiting on my mom to pick me up.
I was always known as the weird kid. I never talked to anyone because people often times just laughed at me or called me names for reasons, again, I can not even justify. This world is cruel and people are mean.
As I got older, friends was still something that was hard for me to come by. At this point, I did not know if it came from being a military child who had to move every year or I was just plain out lame. In middle school, I struggled with wanting to fit in and have more friends so I started to do things to get attention from my peers.
These things often caused me to get suspended from school. This was happening not because I was bad, but because I was depressed. Between highschool and college, so many things have happened in my life where I wanted to just throw in the towel.
Yes - I get it . Life is so hard. Some times the pain we encounter is too much of a burden to carry.
From sexual assault, death of both grandfathers and one grandmother, death of all great grandparents, death of two close friends, I still have not healed from all of the traumatic experiences in my life. I just manage how to deal with them and keep moving forward. Sometimes I have my days that I am not okay and sometimes I have my days where I am full of energy. Right now, at this very moment, I am not okay - and that is okay.
Before you decide to give up, there is someone out there just like you. You are not alone. Please make a promise to never give up because that is not an option anymore!
Types of Depression
- Major Depression
- Persistent Depressive Disorder
- Bipolar Disorder
- Seasonal Depression
- Psychotic Depression
- Situational Depression
- Atypical Depression
- Premenstrual Dysphoric Depression
Signs of Depression
- Lack of interest in daily activities
- Fatigue and drowsiness
- Change in appetite and weight
- Irritability
- Uncontrollable emotions
- Change in conversation
- Talking about death
Things to do to keep your mind from wondering...
- Watch a funny movie
- Binge watch a funny tv show
- Workout/go for a walk
- Spend time with your family and friends
- Create a journal or purchase "The Self Care Journal"
- Go shopping or have a spa day
- Speak to a mental health professional
Resources
-
SAMHSA’s National Helpline- 988
-
National Suicide Prevention- 1-800-273- TALK (8255)
- Text HOME to 741741 or visit crisistextline.org
Depression affects millions of people, but there are a variety of treatments available, from lifestyle changes to medications. No matter the path of treatment you choose, asking for professional help is the first step to getting back to feeling like yourself again.
