Before you read this article, I want to warn you that if you have any history of depression or loneliness, this may trigger you. It’s just mostly what I’m supposed to say but... take a breather. If you can’t take it, close your laptop, or exit your browser, do not make yourself uncomfortable. If you, however, dare to brave the article, Go grab some warm tea (no coffee) or nice chill OJ, breathe in and out and prepare for what is to come: Suicide.
Oh, did I say a bad word?
Should that even be a bad word in the first place?
Well, it depends on if you’re a victim of depression or a school administrative avoiding lawsuits. Here comes the triggering part: I don’t believe suicide is inherently bad. Before you come at me, suicide is not the great evil to fight, but rather a mirror of it-- a mirror of the pain that pushes someone to such extremes.
Now begs the question, “Is suicide worse than living a terrible and depressing life?” because no happy and fulfilled person ends their life. When someone commits suicide, you may begin to hate the person, to blame the person, or you may hate or blame yourself. “How didn’t I know?” “Did I ignore the signs?”
You probably did, but it’s not necessarily your fault.
Loneliness and depression are concepts I studied in the months following my suicide attempt—yes, MY attempt. It’s crazy, terrible, and hurtful. When you have no one to listen to or to lend an ear to your struggles, it breeds a feeling that there’s nothing to live for anymore. The pain of the present blinds you of any potential for the future. It isn’t your fault; it’s quite natural if I may say.
In the past, Social interaction was important for survival the same way staying out of a lion’s mouth was. But while our communities have evolved to make social interaction less vital for being alive, our bodies have not evolved to sense that it isn’t, so we have social pain (and this takes us back to a lot of sciency stuff that isn’t in the scope of this article). When this pain becomes chronic, it can be twice as deadly as obesity and just as deadly as smoking a cigarette a day. Yes, our priorities are a bit misplaced. The most dangerous thing about loneliness is when it becomes just that: Chronic. It becomes self-sustaining. You become more receptive to social communications and interaction and more sensitive to negative stimuli. You may begin to perceive the world or at least some part of it as if it is against you—When I was in this stage, I began to dream up fantasies, rather nightmares, of the whole world scheming against me— you avoid people for fear of rejection—this may come as sitting at the deserted back of the classroom or on an empty table at lunch or just simply ignoring calls—you feel unwanted, leaving conversations with genuinely interested people, you say no to parties and event invitations. This only leads people to view you negatively, “A snub! Isn't she?”
They exclude you from further things and truly begin to dislike you. Deeper and deeper you go Continuing the cycle that only works to plunge you deeper into loneliness and…
Now, Is suicide really a bad word? Or even a bad choice? Well, I can't answer that question for you; it's rhetorical. I can, however, suggest some things. For starters, we can and should end the stigma on the hidden Pandemic that bites through society: loneliness. We should teach about and talk about loneliness in schools and everywhere. Only then can we freely discuss our problems and eliminate loneliness. Only then, can we stop asking ourselves, “why didn’t I listen?”
The Last thing I have to say is, “reach out.” Do you have a friend you haven’t talked to in a while? Reach out. Say hi. Be awkward. Smile. If you’re vaccinated, have a sleepover or something. Make them laugh but don’t stalk them, and maybe, you can be the person who helps someone escape the vicious cycle that would push them to two options: Suicide or Lingering Unhappiness.