It's Okay to Be Selfish with the People You Surround Yourself With


Our friends are the people we choose to spend our lives with, the ones we celebrate our victories with, who we tell our darkest secrets. Friends are one of the most influential people in our lives and can heavily affect our decisions. Naturally, we want to please our friends and be as accommodating as possible.

As human beings, we are social creatures who crave emotional connection. However, sometimes we can get carried away with wanting to please others and wanting to fit in with everyone. Society has trained us to think that having a lot of friends is ideal, but rarely do you hear how emotionally and mentally draining it can be to entertain everyone that crosses your path. While some friends can be uplifting and supportive, some can be very negative and demeaning. Here are some signs that maybe, it's time to cut your friend off.

1.They're unreliable.

We all have that one friend that never pulls through to an event, even though they promised they would. They are rarely able to keep their word. They always promise to do something but back out the last minute. Their actions often feel inconsistent. They always seem to let you down. Even though it might not be intentional, it's still something that can make you feel unappreciated, undervalued, and sometimes ignored.

Even though it's normal for people to get caught up in their lives and not always be there when you need them. It becomes a character trait when it's a common occurrence. If it's you've tried to address it multiple times and your friend is apathetic and dismissive to your concerns, then maybe it's time to start distancing yourself. While you not should expect your friends to be at your beck and call, having reliable friends is not only time-efficient but is also key for having a healthy friendship where both individuals are equally valued and seen.

2.They're competitive with you.

Friends who compete with you are friends who always do things just to one-up you. They see your accomplishments as competition. They constantly want to outshine you and make you feel small. Friends like that are not secure within themselves and always feel the need to overshadow others because they feel threatened. Healthy competition is vital for healthy friendship where both individuals motivate each other to do better. However, it becomes unhealthy when you're constantly competing with one another.

3.They're self-centered.

Every time you're around them they always seem to make things about them. Even when you're celebrating your accomplishments, they find a way to credit themselves and make it about themselves. They always seem to find a way to diminish your achievements and make you feel like you're not enough. While self-love is a personal journey, it's important to have people around you that genuinely care about you and have your best interest at heart.

4.They're negative.

If your friend almost always NEVER has anything good to say about anything, you may have to reconsider that friendship. Although excessive positivity is toxic, friends who rarely see the good in things are draining. These are the type of friends who you always end up apologizing for when out and about together saying, "she's just not herself today" or he's just had a rough day". If you find yourself always making excuses for their rude or "rain on your parade" behavior, it's probably time to sit down and have a serious talk with them about how their attitude is affecting you. Sometimes their Debby downer attitude might only be directed towards you. Either way, it's something that needs to be addressed.

5.They're gossipy.

Ever noticed how the only time you hang out is when they want to fill you in with the latest gossip? Despite the old age saying, "If you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all", They always seem to be concerned with who's doing what. According to, gossip refers to idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. It can often seem harmless, but the harm done is irreversible.

People who gossip tend to be insecure and looking for acceptance. Gossiping is not only a waste of time but it can also ruin your reputation, deeming you untrustworthy. If your friend is always talking to you about someone else, what makes you think they aren't talking to someone else about you?

Who you surround yourself with often affects how you view and go about your life, even though we might not even realize it. It's important to know what people compliment you and your lifestyle, what you will and will not tolerate. While most toxic people can be draining, aligning yourself with positive, uplifting people can completely change your perspective on life.

Haika Gerson
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Haika Gerson is a young writer and college student from Tanzania, She likes to read books, listen to podcasts and music. She is currently a content writer at