At some point in life, we are bound to come across a self-absorbed and, even, toxic friend who may use you, manipulate you, intimidate you, degrade you, etcetera. May of us overthink, don't think at all, are afraid to take a stand or might even question their own sensibility. Here are three ways to handle or get rid of such friends. Remember that, in the end, everything depends on you, you need to get things straight with yourself and muster up enough courage to do the following properly.
#1: Prepare a List
Talking to somebody self- absorbed can be a lot of hard work since they can get defensive over the tiniest of things and are capable of manipulating the situation to make you seem like the bad person. Also, straight up starting a fight can be a very irrational act because this will only make matters worse. The first way to deal with a friend of this sort is to spend only fifteen minutes of your life on clearing your mind.
Some great person mentioned that the brain makes better decisions than the heart. View your situation through another eye, like writing the summary of a story. Maybe your friend is nice at times but still insults you, hurts your feelings, ignores you and all the other things.
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Fish out a pen from God-knows-where and a pencil from that same location, then find a piece of paper too and regard this as the start of your mission. Then clear your thoughts and write down all the things you dislike about your friend. No, you will not go on about they turn up their nose or sip the coffee or roll their eyes, get logical.
Write all the ways their actions are negatively affecting you, your feelings, your life and how it is not good for you. When the list is made (and edited, because let's be real, we do sometimes get angry and write things that aren't so bad), take a picture and send it to the friend, call them and say it to them while using the list as your topics of speech, explain it through text or simply say it in person. Now you must make sure your points are very polite. For example, if you are frustrated by the fact that your friend makes fun of your attire (you have no idea how common that is) you can write:
I know you've got a great fashion sense and I appreciate your honest criticism on it, but even so, sometimes your tone doesn't go well with me and ends up hurting my feelings. I know it may not be intentional, but I sincerely request you to use a better language/ tone next time so nobody's feelings are affected by your honesty.
This way, the other person will actually consider your opinion and think of changing, since you compliment them side by side. It's like writing a job application to a place you don't really want to work for. Just be formal, polite and reasonable.
It is better to text your friend your reasons because many people (including me) are socially awkward and are unable to convey their exact message in person. It works really well through text and even through call because both your emotions and their emotions cannot be seen and it can be easier to convey your message. Try it, it actually works!
#2 Demand Your Right
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I know this one may seem similar to the first way, but this goes for the people who are bold, tired of the relationship or maybe their time to be polite and nice has passed and the friend has actually crossed some very serious limits. If, for example, you friend is rude to you, you can simply, politely yet firmly say something like: “Please don't say that okay? Stuff like this actually affects some people you know.” Each time they get on your nerves, be straightforward and make sure you seem like you will not tolerate their behavior anymore.
Do this gradually. It's not right for you to turn into a prickly hedgehog the minute you hear something remotely mean because if that's the case, then you'll just be known as the sensitive person of the group.
Demand your right and respect with a firm sort of patience. It will give you a strong exterior and let people know you can stand up for yourself.
#3 Create A Distance
Now there's a point when things just won't go well and you know it. You guys have fights, make up, fight again, and so on, like a never-stopping Ferris wheel and it affects your studies and leaves you stressed out. At times like this, you need to make a decision.
It takes a lot of effort to do so because humans get easily attached, it may seem hard to just let go of a friend, but you have to know that if you keep on dealing with the happenings, it will literally ruin your life. Some friends can actually get you into habits like drinking and doing drugs (along with the typical fighting of course). At these times, you have to consider both yourself and your life as your top priority for everything.
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When you create this sort of mindset, slowly distance yourself from the friend while simultaneously trying to mend yourself. It can be very hard and sad, but know it's for the better; you've learnt your lesson and will not repeat that mistake. You should do this only when the rest of the options aren't working anymore.
You can start by not replying to texts. Don't simply just block and ignore, but take time in replying, ignore a few, don't answer many calls, say you're busy when they invite you and so on. It won't be as sad if you gradually let go of a person, you both will get used to the distancing and finally, there won't be as many complications anymore.
If you're made of steel and have a huge habit of working your logical self more, then you can simply just end the friendship with a call, and never think of them again. Don't really consider this unless you regard yourself as really strong because this can get emotional.
Make sure you are never rude or harsh to anybody, even a self-obsessed, self-absorbed friend. Many people keep grudges and take the worst sort of revenge for your behavior (hopefully you aren't that type), so be careful with how you handle your friendships. You should respect yourself enough to make sure no other person affects you negatively. Always be wise in making decisions.
