In our generation, as Gen Z, the concept of romance has been distorted into various theories, games, and, overall, a completely different definition than it truly is. “Love” as a definition shouldn’t be something you constantly stress about, force, and try to get no output. It should be a part of your life that is beautiful and adds value to you as an individual, not stripping away your value as a person. I believe that when the right person comes along, you will know and be very sure.

But sometimes we make mistakes, and that is what makes us human. Loving someone is never a waste; it teaches you a lot about what to expect in a relationship and what not to. This is a guide on how you can overcome the feeling of sorrow after losing someone you might have thought would be your forever.

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1) Skip the Five Stages of Grief

A lot of the time, people, especially girls, feel their entire world crumbling right before their eyes when they lose their significant other. Of course, breakups can and are tough to deal with, but the loss of a person in this way shouldn’t apply the five stages of grief. As much as this is a terrible time, your life has barely started, and this breakup is just a moment in time. It is really dangerous to apply this concept to losing a significant other if they did not actually pass away, because it can set you up for a bad emotional availability in future relationships.

If you have to go through many stages of emotions to overcome a breakup, it could mean you should take some time off from relationships and work on emotional management, which will benefit you in the long run. Losing a first love should START with acceptance, because losing a first love does not mean you’re incapable of finding it ever again. It just means your parallels didn’t align, and that is perfectly okay because we are not here to be compatible with everyone. This should be something you consider when you find yourself dwelling upon your first breakup.

In my opinion, journaling your thoughts and feelings during this time is very important because having a record of your feelings now lets you look back on your progress, really feel the change, and appreciate the confidence you gain along the way.

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2) Cut ALL Contact

When I say all contact, I mean even the little messages you might send them that have even a hint of hope. It isn’t your fault that you might have hope for this person, and you think you need that closure or spark from them.

However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Closure, to begin with, is a concept that isn’t real. You can get all the closure by talking about, thinking about, and learning from the situation.

If the person you were with really wanted to have a conversation about closing off, they will, and it’s not worth your time at all if they are not mature enough to handle it with you. It is up to you to direct the hope you have towards yourself, because it is very powerful and can allow you to learn so much.

3) Live Your Life!

Although this can feel like the end of the world, I am here to tell you it is not. There are so many people, places, and things you have waiting for you that you don't even know about. I am sure that you will be perfectly okay by the end of all of this.

In the end, if you ever need advice, there are plenty of self-help videos online that you can significantly benefit from if you take the time to look. You got this!