If you’ve ever scrolled through the internet to find the perfect, productive morning routine or the best skincare recommendations, you've likely found that self-care is marketed as an “aesthetic," rather than something soul-touching and personal. It's seen as a well-crafted scene made up of bubble baths, a chilled cup of matcha, scented candles, and Dior perfumes.

While that is totally okay, this is just one version of what self-care can look like. In my opinion, every single person has a different way of caring about themselves. And if your self-care habits don’t seem glamorous or picture-perfect, keep reading, I've got you!

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Is Self-Care Always Calm and Candles?

Is self-care really the scene social media has curated for us to see? Bubblebaths with essential oils, avocado toasts, scented candles do sound nice, but self-care doesn’t always smell like strawberry and lavender. Sometimes it’s sitting in a quiet place after a long day. Sometimes it’s chaotic, like challenging yourself to run one more kilometre on the treadmill.

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The Real Work of Being Able to Care for Yourself

I recently read in this amazing book Manifest: 7 Steps to Living Your Best Life that self-love means making choices that serve your future self—and that line hit me hard. Real self-care (according to me and many of the self-help books I’ve read) isn’t about what feels good right now; it’s about what will make you feel better later.

Don’t get me wrong, indulgence isn’t bad as long as it’s balanced. Prioritising important things over instant satisfaction is how you show love to the person you’re becoming, or are trying to become.

In simple words, it’s choosing growth over comfort.

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Discipline Is a Form of Self-Love

I’ve probably already bored you with the title. “Discipline? Oh please—” It sounds strict, rigid, maybe even annoying, and way too cliched. But hear me out!

Jocko Willink said it best with “Discipline equals freedom.” The more disciplined you are, the more control you have over your life. When you control your habits and urges, they stop controlling you. That is what ultimate self-love is.

It’s finishing that half-read book lying on your bookshelf for ages, instead of scrolling.

It’s eating slightly healthier than ordering takeout (again).

It’s working out consistently.

It’s pouring your heart out into the journal you haven’t written in for weeks, because you couldn’t “find” time.

It’s studying a little bit of that topic every day, instead of cramming it all up in one night.

Because I do not think self-care is escapism. It’s about how to handle life with strength, be stoic, and peaceful.

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Final Thoughts

Look, bubble baths, rose tea, and silk pajamas are all amazing. They feel relaxing, and they definitely count as self-care. If that’s your thing, go for it—seriously.

But self-care isn’t just the pretty, picturesque, idyllic stuff. It’s also about doing the hard, messy things that make your life easier in the long run.