We all say we know it’s fake. That likes don’t matter. That stories and followers aren’t the same as real life.

And yet, one unfollow can ruin your whole day. This is the quiet pressure of social media—and many of us are drowning in it without even realizing.

It starts small

You post a story, and your friend doesn’t like it. You scroll through their feed and realize… you’re not even in their close friends anymore. Suddenly, your mind spirals.

Are they mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Am I being left out?

Image Credit: Nubelson Fernandes from Unsplash

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Overthinking the Unspoken

I once remember opening Instagram after school and seeing that my best friend had removed me from their Close Friends list. But there hadn’t been any arguments between us. I spent hours rereading old chats and trying to figure out what was wrong.

In the end, she was just reorganizing her list. But by then, I had already convinced myself our friendship was over. That’s how much power social media has over us — it makes small things feel huge.

We know Instagram isn’t real life. We've been told that a thousand times. But despite knowing it's just a reel, we can't help but take it seriously. Social media has quietly changed how we view friendships, popularity, and even our self-worth, and even worse — it’s all unspoken.

In a perfect world, liking someone’s post would just mean you like the post. But on Instagram, likes are loaded. They can mean validation and even a weird kind of friendship calculator.

When Likes Resemble Loyalty

“I skipped someone’s story once because I was busy, and the next day, they stopped talking to me,” says Prachi, 15, from Austin, Texas. “It’s like your entire social life depends on taps and likes. If you don’t comment fast enough, people assume the worst.”

Sounds dramatic? Maybe. But it’s becoming the norm.

We've started treating digital actions like social contracts. Didn’t like my photo? You're fake. Removed me from Close Friends? Must be a drama. Unfollowed me? We’re done.

Image Credit: Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash

The Pressure to Look Perfect

Instagram is not just a stage for sharing; it’s a stage to perform on. Aesthetic places, perfect captions, and selected carousels of photographs all send quiet messages: “I’m doing well,” “I’m unbothered,” “I matter.” FOMO, or fear of missing out, doesn’t only apply to events, it's also about relevance. We feel the pressure to demonstrate that we are living our best lives, even if we are suffering behind the screen.

Studies have shown that teens who spend more time curating their online image often experience higher levels of anxiety and depression. When everything feels like it has to be “aesthetic” or strategic, we stop posting what makes us happy—and start posting what we think will impress.

The Cost

The result? Real friendships suffer. People stop asking how you're doing and start assuming based on your feed. You might post a smiling selfie and still cry in your room five minutes later. But no one checks in because your post looked “fine.”

Our generation is rewriting the rules of friendship—without even realizing it. Instead of emotional closeness, we track interactions.

Do they view my story?

Do they reply to my posts?

Have they posted with other people lately?

We no longer rely on conversations to define relationships—we rely on content. But content is curated, and relationships aren’t. That mismatch causes friction, jealousy, and unnecessary drama.

Image Credit: Gaspar Uhas on Unsplash

Why We Still Care

We’ve all made jokes about Instagram being fake. We have shared “social media detox” stories. We’ve even reshared tweets about how “likes don’t define us.” So… why do we still care?

The truth is because it feels good to be validated, you see, because no one wants to be the one that is left out, and because everyone else is still playing the game, and to quit is to vanish.

But the reality is that normal isn’t always healthy.

And just because something is popular doesn’t mean it's real.

Time to Rethink

What if we stopped comparing ourselves on social media? What if unfollows didn’t mean the world was ending — and not being liked back wasn’t an assault on you personally?

Changing how we use Instagram isn’t necessarily about getting rid of it forever — it’s more about learning to see it as a tool, not a test. If we begin to be a little less performative, a little more real, perhaps other people will too. What if the new trend was authenticity?

Here’s the challenge:

• Ask before assuming. Just because someone didn’t engage with your post doesn’t mean they’re upset.
• Talk offline. If you’re confused about a friendship, try an actual conversation.
• Take breaks. You don’t need to document everything. The best moments usually aren’t even posted.

Instagram isn’t real life—but it’s started to shape our real relationships in very real ways. It's time we recognize the pressure, question the norms, and stop letting our screen determine our self-worth.

Because the best friendships? They don’t depend on likes, followers, or story views.

They exist—even when you put the phone down.