Have you ever wondered why girl friendships sometimes feel like emotional rollercoasters and how we can heal and grow stronger after a friendship ends? If you have, then you are not alone.
Being a teenager myself, I have experienced a lot of judgment regarding girl friendships, whether it’s about a friendship breakup, healing from one or going through one. It’s often said that girls create a lot more drama and are very emotional and irrational when it comes to ending a friendship.
However, I disagree. I believe that girls usually just expect more from their friendships than guys do, and that’s why it’s harder for girls to go through a friendship breakup than it is for guys. Girls also tend to experience self-doubt after ending a friendship, which leads to a lack of confidence.
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Apply NowToxic friendships
Let’s start by talking about toxic friendships. Sometimes it hurts to be in a friendship more than it would hurt to leave, but we often need that comfort and sense of familiarity from people who treat us awfully. We tend to not want to leave our comfort zone, which leads to us being hurt again and again by someone we trust and love.
However, the problem is not just identifying that you have a toxic friendship, but mainly trying to get out of it. The attachment and the fear of being lonely are what make us hurt ourselves over and over again instead of getting out. Let’s talk about getting out of these toxic friendships, healing from them, and avoiding self-doubt, as well as why I feel girl friendships are harder than guy friendships.
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How to get out of these toxic friendships
Getting out of these toxic friendships is hard. I get it. I know how overwhelming it can be and how you are often so attached that you feel getting hurt is better than leaving.
If you are someone who hates confronting people, you could always just let your friendship fade away. This means trying to distance yourself from them and letting it fizzle out, which usually works if the friendship is toxic.
If that doesn’t work, you could communicate your feelings clearly but be clear and gentle with your words. This might feel like the hardest part, so get ready to be nervous. Whether this is the first time you’ve talked to the other person or you’ve lost track of how many times, have a final, honest conversation about why and when you’re leaving.
People who are bad for you aren’t always easy to spot. They don’t give you a disclaimer before you become friends, saying, "This friendship is going to be toxic and it might drain you and make you hate this friendship." Most people don’t even realize they are being toxic. Letting go of someone who is bad for you is like lifting a huge weight off your shoulders.
None of us are perfect, and we all make mistakes in our friendships. The most important thing to do when a friendship ends is to work on forgiveness. You don’t have to say, “I forgive you,” but for your own mental health, it's best to acknowledge it internally and move on.
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Getting over toxic friendships
Losing friends is tough, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed by it. But here’s the thing—even though it hurts now, endings can lead to new beginnings. It’s easy to spiral in your own head and let the sadness take over, but remember, life keeps moving. While you’re dealing with your feelings, others are out there making new connections and having new experiences.
I am not saying don’t cry or pretend like nothing happened. But instead of spiraling or letting the past drag you down, think about what new opportunities might be out there for you. Maybe it’s time to try a new hobby, join a group you’ve been curious about or reconnect with people you haven’t seen in a while.
You never know—stepping out of your comfort zone once in a while may lead to long-lasting friendships. It’s important to acknowledge and process your feelings, but don’t let them control your entire life.
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It's never your fault.
Whenever one of my friendships ended, I used to question myself a lot—did I mess up, was I at fault, could I have been better? Right now, whenever I think of those friendships, I realize that I wasn’t the problem. It was more about what the other person was going through.
You’ve probably heard, “hurt people hurt people,” and that’s often the case. Dealing with self-doubt after a breakup really took a hit on my confidence. It was tough, and it made me hate myself, which is exactly what you want to avoid.
You shouldn’t let a breakup make you feel worthless. Often, it’s not your fault when a friendship ends. It’s so easy to blame yourself, but try to refrain from doing that.
It’s really harmful to your mental health, even if you don’t realize it at the time. Those small feelings of self-doubt can stick around for years, making you feel unworthy. No one deserves to feel that way, and it’s important to recognize that it’s not always about you.
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Why are girl friendships harder than guy friendships?
You might be thinking: “Why are boy friendships easier?” or maybe “Why is me being friends with a guy easier than me being friends with a girl?” the simple answer to that is expectations. Girls expect a lot more than guys do. For example, girls share everything with girls and they have that deep connection and that comfort while sharing their stuff so they aren’t alone. When a girl has these expectations from her friendship and they get broken, the heartbreak is magnified.
Think about it as a romantic relationship where you have needs that must be satisfied with your partner and vice versa. In female friendships the same thing happens. Girls expect certain things from their friends and vice versa. When those needs aren’t met its creates a fuss.
Toxic friendships are tough, but it's important to end them for your own mental health. And again you know what they say “You cannot heal in the same place you got hurt.” It will hurt for a while but eventually, it will stop and you will find better people who treat you properly and love and care for you.
