I believe most of us have experienced a toxic friendship at some point. A relationship where you feel pressured, diminished, or simply not yourself. But how can we break out of this vicious cycle and learn to set healthy boundaries?

In this article, I’ll share my own experience and give you a few tips.

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How To Recognize When A Friendship Becomes Toxic

Toxic friendships often follow a repeating cycle made up of four phases:

The Honeymoon Phase: At the beginning, everything feels perfect. The person is attentive, generous, and always there to listen.

Personally, it was the time when every weekend was a sleepover, we confided in each other, she really treated me as her priority and gave me a lot of attention and kindness in return for mine. It was as I had always dreamed.

Tension: Slowly, hurtful remarks start to appear. They may put you down in front of others or try to erase parts of your personality. You feel bad, but you convince yourself you’re just overreacting.

A rather silly example: you arrive at school and jokingly say to her, 'I don't feel like having math!' and she replies, 'You shouldn't have come then.' Little jabs like that, which are certainly small, but hurt you a lot.

The Break: Then comes a bigger event—something that truly hurts you deeply.

She sent me a message saying, 'the world doesn't revolve around you', ... And the sentence that touched me the most was this one; 'You're nice and all, but I'm just tired of you.' How can I say that after that, I literally begged her to be my friend again, and now I feel a bit sorry for myself.

Reconciliation: They apologize, and since you care about them, you forgive.

I will share my experience again; she sent me a message after a few hours saying that she was sorry, that she felt really bad since then, and what makes me laugh a bit now is that in the message she wrote: 'if possible, could this stay between us?'. Then, of course, I forgave her, but nothing was the same after that.

And then the cycle starts all over again…

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How To Step Away From It

At our age, friendships feel like the most important thing in the world. Having a group, feeling like you belong—it matters so much. But what do you do when a friendship drags you down instead of lifting you up?

The best way is to create some distance. If you don’t feel ready to confront the person, try limiting your conversations or replying less often. You can also decline outings, spend more time with other people, and slowly build new friendships. It takes time, but it will make you feel freer and happier in the long run.

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A Few Tips

1. Put yourself first.

Your well-being comes before anything else.

2. Don’t waste your energy on revenge or hate.

Cutting someone off completely or holding on to anger can sometimes drain more energy than keeping light contact once in a while. Accept the situation, even if it's hard. You can get through it!

3. Set boundaries.

In your future relationships, or in the ones you currently have, if someone says something you don’t appreciate, simply tell them: “What you just said hurt me. I’d like you to apologize.” That’s what setting boundaries means. We all have our own limits, and it’s important to make others understand that there are things you won’t accept.

4. Take a step back from the situation.

Try to look at your situation from an outside perspective: “How do I feel when I’m with this person?” “After our interaction, do I feel exhausted, stressed, … ?” Ask yourself these kinds of questions and try to find solutions, such as talking to them about it, or simply distancing yourself little by little.

5. Strengthen positive relationships.

Personally, when I was in a toxic friendship, I focused on just one person, telling myself, “She’s my best friend.” And I didn’t realize that I had other friends with whom I felt good and listened to! Make new friends, or strengthen a relationship where you truly feel comfortable!

6. Accept your emotions.

Ending a friendship—even a toxic one—is difficult. You shouldn’t repress your feelings; if you need to cry, it will help you feel better. Just because this relationship hurt you doesn’t mean you can’t be sad that it’s ending.

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Conclusion

From my own experience, I stayed in denial for a long time (telling myself things like “but she’s my best friend!”). But once I managed to walk away, I felt so much better. I’ve learned that real friendships do exist—the kind that lift you up instead of pulling you down.

I truly hope you’ll find those genuine connections and feel fulfilled in your relationships.