Making big decisions is daunting. Everyone wants to look at all the options before picking something that can potentially change the course of your life. Of course, this decision requires some thinking. But what happens when this thinking turns to overthinking, and eventually bleeds into our smaller decisions?

Say you're at a restaurant, and the chicken alfredo catches your eye. But then you glance slightly to the left, and your eyes fall on the eggplant parm. Your eyes drift down and you realize that maybe you're in the mood for the chicken parm instead, and if you get the eggplant, you'll potentially miss out on trying out something that you might like better.

Of course, when taking a step back and observing the situation, it's not really that big of a deal. But at the moment, this decision can seem like the end of the world. This is the fear of a better option.

What is FOBO?

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FOBO is the acronym for the fear of a better option. This is a type of anticipatory anxiety where someone may be afraid to make a choice with the fear that there is a better option. When someone is experiencing this feeling, their prefrontal cortex, which is in charge of rational decision making, gets overwhelmed by the presence of too many options.

Your amygdala, which is involved in fear processing, sees the potential of making the wrong decision as danger, and in response, your brain tries to avoid it. This can cause an unhealthy cycle which increases anxiety and can cause someone to have less trust in themselves. This lack of trust can intensify this fear and worsen the cycle.

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Causes of FOBO

FOBO can be caused by a number of reasons, the biggest one being the fear of regret. This stems from the thinking that once you choose something, there is no way to go back. In instances like picking a college or a job, this may be something that is important to think about, but in smaller instances such as picking dinner or making plans, this can be disruptive.

FOBO is also often caused by perfectionism, which is something that many people struggle with, especially in this age with social media becoming more and more prevalent in our society. Many people have the feeling that anything that does not instantly feel like the perfect decision, is failing, and this can cause them to push off making decisions until they thoroughly analyze each one. The issue is, the more someone keeps looking for an option that seems better, the more they are going to find, which will eventually cause a spiral.

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This is only further influenced by the presence of social media. With people only posting the good parts of their life, it’s easy for people to compare themselves to the random person they found online who seems like they’re living the perfect life that they absolutely love. This can cause pressure to also have this so-called “perfect life.” This pressure to be perfect can cause someone to put off making decisions, not wanting to make the wrong one. Seeing everyone else on the internet achieve perfection may lead someone to not want to “settle.”

Effects of FOBO

While this may seem like a harmless feeling that many people experience, this feeling can lead to lasting social and mental health struggles. It is a form of anxiety, which can severely interfere with someone’s life, whether realized or not. For example, imagine you have been offered a job, but you don’t know if you want to take it because you want to look at all your options first.

As you continue to look at your options, you continue to second-guess if the job offer is something you really want. By the time you reach a decision, the company may not want to offer you that job anymore, even if that’s what you decided you wanted in the end. While this is a more severe situation, that truly does require some contemplation, it can be an inconvenience in smaller cases.

It can also be harmful in relationships. It creates a fear that no relationship that you are in is the right one, preventing you from building deep connections. There is always a lingering fear that there is someone better out there, and this can lead to unintentionally destroying your own relationships.

It also interferes when it comes to making plans. Putting something on your calendar and blocking out a certain time may feel like too much commitment. Someone who experiences FOBO may not want to commit to this in case something better comes up.

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Even if FOBO is not damaging externally, it’s extremely damaging internally. When you typically make decisions, it does not take too much conscious effort. But with FOBO, when you are constantly analyzing everything about a decision and looking at many different options, your brain can become exhausted. This can cause a lot of stress and anxiety, as well as decision fatigue.

Solutions for FOBO

While it may seem impossible, there are ways to get around and reduce FOBO. You can set deadlines, which will reduce overthinking. Leaving yourself less time to look for more options will leave you with less options to sort through at the end, making the decision a little bit easier.

While this is a little more difficult, it’s also important to put it into a larger perspective. Think about if this decision will even matter in the long term future. While a college, job, or relationship might, whether you have the eggplant parm or the chicken parm, really doesn’t matter. Prioritize where you put your energy when it comes to decision making.

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And lastly, always remember that perfection is just a word. While many of us may struggle with perfectionism, it’s important to keep our expectations realistic. Perfection doesn’t truly exist, and nothing will ever be absolutely perfect.

When it comes to certain things, it’s important to learn to love the option you choose, and if you are unable to, then it’s time to move on without beating yourself up for it. But if you don’t give things a try, it’s impossible to know if you will truly love it. Without spending time building a deep relationship, how will you know if you truly love someone? Without trying out a major or job, how will you know what it truly entails? If we spend our lives looking for perfection, we will miss out on the things we love. So learn to try out and learn to love things, rather than trying to find the option that you feel is perfect from the start.

FOBO is a difficult thing to live with, being a type of anxiety. So next time you feel it, try to rationalize the feeling rather than falling victim to the endless spiral of overthinking that it might send you into. We are still learning and trying life out, so it’s important to live and learn and try things out, rather than trying to achieve perfection.