Having a crush is part of being human because we are created to give and receive love. Crushing could get messy when you try to talk yourself out of the feelings you already have for the other person. Relax!
Who hasn't been there? Staying up all night and fantasizing about starting a family together, every conversation revolves around the person and the worst part is listening to love songs and crying yourself to sleep. I just want to assure you that you are not alone and you can get over it too.
Nonetheless, getting over a crush takes discipline and your decision to listen to some truth. Here are 6 steps to getting over a crush.
1. STOP TRIPPIN
Stop reading meaning into everything he or she does. Just because you like the same sports, food, music and you guys are always bumping into each other doesn't mean you are soulmates. There are over 7 billion people on this planet and there is a possibility that there are other people who would also like what you do.
Don't be carried away by a wink or a note with a simple endearment like ' hey dearie, 'hey girl' or 'hey boo' shouldn't make you have sleepless nights because countless people have gotten such kind words. You're definitely not the first.
Don't mother anyone
Stop trying to be unnecessarily nice when you don't have to be. Please, just because your crush asks for your assistance with homework doesn't mean that you have to displease yourself to please the person, especially when you have other plans. When you don't know your worth people would take advantage of your kindness.
2. LEARN MORE
Most people always like to put their best foot forward when they are around other people or on social media. You really don't know what goes on in their personal life. In Nigeria, we call it 'packaging'.
There's no point daydreaming about your crush for long hours when you've not taken the time to speak to this person. Go and talk to your crush. Take time to know this person. Ask intelligent questions about their values concerning life, family, goals and not their relationship status.
According to a report by Carolyn Steber for Bustle Digital Group "Developing a crush on someone often happens with people you're still getting to know — and don't yet love — but that's part of what makes it so intoxicating. "Our brain has a stimulus (the person) that is different from our daily experience — and that novelty keeps us engaged," Josh Klapow, PhD, a clinical psychologist, tells Bustle.
Listen First!
Listen to know if your values align. Is he or she the kind of person you would want to be friends with for a long time to start with? Have you closely observe how he or she treats other people?
Because your relationship is not going to be any different. You would be shocked by what you would find out. I hope you do have your own values? Compromising them to suit what a crush want means selling yourself short.
3. KEEP MOVING
Say these words, "My whole world doesn't revolve around (say the person's name) Get going with that task you've put on hold for too long. Go workout, collaborate with other people of the same interest. Don't tell me " I can't! " My question to you is, didn't you have a life before meeting your crush? He or she is out there doing something amazing while you are just staring at some photographs Wake-up!
Choose Wisely
Don't be around people who would constantly remind you of your crush. Stay away from romantic comedy, sad love songs and befriending your crush's friends and loved ones just to get the family's approval.
4. DRESS MODERATELY
Believe it or not, people soon notice when you have a wardrobe change. Changing your cologne and closet for a new crush will get you nowhere because it is only a phase. It's great to look good but it becomes wrong when you're doing it for someone else other than yourself.
With a new wardrobe comes a change in behaviour and if the other person realizes that all you did was for him or her, your emotions will be at risk. You would always want compliment on whatever you're wearing and if you don't get it, you'll be mad.
Jealousy Won't Work
Trying to make your crush jealous is bad news. You are only giving them the power to hurt you. Get a hold of yourself because he or she cannot lose what isn't theirs in the first place.
5. STOP OBSESSING
Don't go fishing into their social media accounts looking for who your competitor is. Stop ghost texting. Block your crush from your social media handle to limit any form of notifications. I know sometimes we often make excuses why we shouldn't block our crush and we unblock.
Speak Up
Talk to someone you trust. Someone who has been through the crushing phase. Listen and don't interrupt.
In college, I once had a crush on a cute guy in church. I thought God was telling me that he was my soulmate. After speaking to my best friend about all the attempts I had made to make him notice me.
She told me to wake up and face the reality that I'm only embarrassing myself. That was true because this guy was into my neighbour next-door. He met her through me (long story) and he was already bringing her gifts right before my very eyes.
6. MOURN
Now that you know it was just an infatuation, take time to grieve and forgive yourself. It might sound off but your brain processed the crush you had like a real relationship. This is just how the human brain works.
Don't be like, "huh, it's nothing". Also, don't get into a new relationship to make up for what you think you lost. It was only a phase and this too shall pass.
