Why You Might Find It Hard to Make Deep Friendships
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Why You Might Find It Hard to Make Deep Friendships


October 12, 2020

People say life is too short to live in skepticism and caution.

‘Live and let live’ is a popular saying we hear, about the same. However, we seem to forget that being the ‘social animals’ it is impossible to live and let live because the principle behind humanity is such, that we live with each other in a society that does everything but follow this concept. And thus begins the battle of whether to live or let live.

So if you feel that you have attachment problems with your friends, here are a few reasons you might feel that way.

“Distrust and caution are the parents of security.”- Benjamin Franklin

Trust Issues

Experiences tend to affect our present decisions whether we like to admit it or not. If someone you really cared about in the past hurt you in some manner, it makes it hard for one to place the same trust on someone else. Therefore, a lot of your friendships might on the surface seem intimate and close, but in reality you keep yourself distanced.

General distrust

Skepticism is an eccentric trait. Its pessimistic nature conflicts with the promise of security when it comes to emotions and one’s well-being. Of course, when one is skeptical they do tend to become lonely owing to the fact that they’re incapable of letting someone into their personal space. It really does come to what you need against what you think you want.

Being an introvert

Introverts inherently love being in their own company but sometimes they might crave the company of someone else or at least have someone to depend on. In the end we all want a shoulder to cry on but when you can’t be around people for a long time it makes the process of having friendships all the more difficult and complicated. It gets harder once society has labeled you anti-social just because you prefer your company over that of others.

Fake friends

Some things are just not in our hands, and having fake friends is one such thing. There are two scenarios to this issue, one being that you know that they’re fake but you can’t exactly take your leave because they are your only friends. Two, you don’t feel any connection with them and there is no one at fault here. Having the wrong friends isn’t really up to you and I’m sure that one day you will find someone who’ll mean the world to you.

Parental issues

A person’s upbringing defines who he/she is during their childhood. If your parents are conservative and keep to themselves, it would talk a lot about why you find it hard to make attachments. ‘It starts at home’ is a very apt phrase for this facet. Once again, a person does change over time but a small part of you might find it hard to make friends even after changing so the best thing to do for such a complication is to try to put yourself out there. Make friends with like-minded people and try to trust them over the years and maybe you can find yourself a deep friendship.

Social media and technology

“It’s a highly deceptive world, one that constantly asks you to comment but doesn’t really care what you have to say.”- David Levithan

Instead of going out of the house and interacting with your peers and friends, teenagers today sit at home in front of the laptop or a phone in your hand and browse through memes or watch Netflix and “chill”. Basic social interaction is key to making friends in the first place, forget keeping them. In an age where kids talk more on Instagram or see more of each other on Snapchat, it’s anything but intimate.

There is no physical attachment at all! And this obviously influences their ability to confide in each other and have deep conversations. Apart from this, their addiction to their image clouds their true character and this reflects, rather obviously, on their relationships.


We have only seen a very small part of our lives and there is so much more yet to come!

A random bump on the road may lead you to your future best friend and that is how life is, completely unexpected. So most of the time the reason you might have such problems is that destiny has something else entirely different and unique in store for you.

Life is too short to live with regrets, so make new friends, but keep old ones. Not having a deep friendship doesn’t mean you don’t have friends. Your time will come but until then, hold on to what you have.

It’s okay to feel lonely sometimes. It’s not easy having no one to confide in but there will come a day when you find a person that you can confide in, and until that day all you can do is wait.

Wait patiently and happily for that day, and cherish all the moments you have once you do have such a friendship.

Siya Girisaballa
10k+ pageviews

Writer since Oct, 2020 · 6 published articles

Siya Girisaballa is an Indian girl who loves to read and write. Owing to her father's occupation she moved around the country a lot as a child and that aspect of her life influences her writing. She's diverse yet simple and her thoughts are an embodiment of her spirit. Through her articles, she speaks the truth however perplexing or subjective it might be, and hopes to inspire change in society with her words.