Why Does Media Romanticize Sadness?

Media frequently encounter a deeply sad yet rarely shared sadness. This kind of sadness is curated, stylishly shot and orchestrated, and made to be visually appealing, with its muted colors, soft piano music, and painstakingly constructed close-ups.

In this regard, it seems that sadness is only beautiful if it has been creatively enhanced and filtered, and by that filtering is presented as beautiful.

However, that would lead to a potentially troubling question, and that is, why does media often take tragedy, loss, and distress and turn them into things for us to admire?

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The Aesthetic of Suffering

Sadness is presented throughout movies, music, TV shows, and even social media as a representation of 'depth'. For example, "sad" characters are often portrayed as being "more interesting" than their happier counterparts. Similarly, a tragic "backstory" is often used as proof that someone is a "more complicated" or "more complete" person.

We see these things in film by way of lingering shots of alone and isolated protagonists looking through foggy windows after being rained on. We also see it in song lyrics that describe how heartbreak is the ultimate representation of authentic feeling. Finally, we see it in literature where pain must precede or be a precondition for wisdom.

This experience of suffering or sadness has become a visual representation or language that conveys seriousness without requiring that you necessarily engage directly with the experience of pain itself.

The experience of sadness as it is presented above is a controlled experience. It is generally conveyed as a slow-moving, quiet, elegant experience. It typically does not disrupt the storyline/plot of the film, book, or song with extreme frequency or severity.

It does not ask for a "solution". It simply exists for us to look at; it is not something that is meant to be fixed. Because of the safe distance that is created between viewers/listeners/readers and the experience of sadness/trans sadness, the experience becomes less threatening or intimidating.

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Why Pain Becomes Palatable

It is not that media romanticizes sadness because they misunderstand pain. Media romanticizes sadness because sadness has the potential to generate revenue.

When people are suffering in a true and raw way, it creates chaos. Suffering creates a responsibility for oneself and others. Suffering creates situations in which the viewer may not want to think. However, when sadness is stylized, it allows the viewer or reader to experience a strong emotional response without the problem of unanswered questions.

When sadness is sentimentalized, it is easier to approach sadness as something to be consumed rather than acknowledged and experienced.

This is particularly evident in the way mental health conditions are represented. For example, sadness is often portrayed as gentle reflection rather than emotion. Conversely, anxiety is usually rendered as awkwardness or "cute." Trauma is often told as a single dramatic event instead of covering how the trauma will continue throughout one's life.

Sadness and suffering do not typically depict the most severe or unpleasant aspects of experiencing a traumatic or challenging event, such as apathy, anger, mental burnout, and dissociation, because they do not fit the storyline of the film or video.

As a result, media typically provides suffering that has been lightly polished. You can look at it as a profound experience but nothing that will produce any uncomfortable feelings.

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The Artist Myth: Suffering as Proof of Depth

A cultural myth that has existed for many years is the idea that genius and suffering are somehow related.

The stereotype is that artists are tortured souls, writers are tortured souls, and musicians are heartbroken and this is what makes them “real”. The suffering is the credential that allows us to believe the work they produce is from an “authentic” place.

This cultural narrative has romanticized the sadness and institutionalized it as well. When we define a person’s suffering as the source of their creativity, healing may be seen as a threat; what will become of their work if they experience happiness? What happens to their identity if the pain is no longer central?

The media reaffirms this belief; for example, the best art is produced in the darkest times, while joy is a shallow emotion, stability is boring and contentment lacks texture.

This is not truth; it is simply tradition, and it has taken its toll on generations of creators’ mental and emotional health.

The Audience’s Role in the Fantasy

Romanticized sadness likewise serves as a conduit for the viewing public to express themselves.

It creates a reflection of their own pain that is less risky to respond to. The viewer will see their own feelings portrayed through their art- the sadness depicted may resonate with the viewer enough that it allows them to find meaning in the product; thus, giving them hope that sadness is not only acceptable but also has value. In this respect, media sadness becomes a source of inspiration.

It provides structure to an emotional experience. It provides musical accompaniment. It provides the individual with a reason to believe that they have suffered for a reason. For individuals who feel deeply but do not know how to utilize their depth of feeling in their lives, this perspective offers them validation.

However, validation can develop into idealization, and sadness may be represented as romantic and poetic, which creates confusion for the viewer when they see their own suffering and need assistance and/or support and instead admire their suffering. There is then a blurring of the distinction between deep feelings and deep hurt.

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Social Media and the Performance of Pain

This phenomenon of romanticization is largely present online.

Online platforms endorse vulnerability only when it is beautifully packaged; therefore, authentic rawness or unrefined vulnerability is only acceptable when it fits within a certain aesthetic and is nicely formatted (e.g., has a caption). To obtain sympathy from others, one must frame their pain in a way that is easy for the reader to digest. This creates a culture in which we can see individuals express their sadness, but we cannot necessarily feel it.

Much of what people share on social media regarding mental health or mental illness is carefully curated to be "honest" enough to seem genuine; however, many times those post are sufficiently constructed to still be "acceptable" to the general public and not incite discomfort. Algorithms reward "appropriate" vulnerability for social media. The type of vulnerability that is encouraged is one that causes users to engage with the post rather than support or intervene.

Within the construct of social media, sadness can become content. As a piece of content, sadness is rarely (if ever) allowed to remain unresolved.

The Cost of Making Pain Beautiful

Romanticizing sadness alters an individual’s viewpoint on their experiences and emotions.

For instance, many might believe that pain should look beautiful; thus, anyone who has suffered in an ugly manner believes they have failed. Similarly, if sadness is to reflect quiet contemplation, then anyone who feels angry, confused, or numb believes they are not experiencing a legitimate emotion. A person may feel shame about the way they experience pain when they compare their personal chaos to curated portrayals of grief portrayed by the media.

Additionally, this myth around creating meaning from sadness hinders recovery. With sadness creating meaning, if an individual chooses to move beyond their grief, this can feel like erasing all sense of meaning from their life. Recovery will never be as satisfying as the pain that one has experienced.

Therefore, it is not surprising that pain continues to torment a person for longer periods than necessary.

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Reframing Sadness Without Romanticizing It

Sadness is a natural part of the human experience and should not be eliminated from stories.

While we need to present negative aspects of life through storytelling accurately, there is also the danger of glorifying sadness through artistic representation/romanticism.

For example, true representation of sadness represents it as a disruption/disruption of life. Sadness is inconvenient and ongoing although we tend not to think about those aspects when viewing a sad work of art.

Sadness also changes people dramatically and not necessarily for the better (beautiful) but rather for real.

We can heal from sadness and learn from it without losing our depth as a human beings.

The sad stories that we experience as the truth, the most honest, are those that help us understand difficult emotions.

Let Pain Be Honest

Media has romanticized sadness because it is easier for people to sell something beautiful rather than something that is true about being sad; it is easier for people to have some distance between themselves and someone else rather than be intimate with them and allow them in their lives; it is much easier for someone to look at an image of someone expressing aesthetic pain versus someone who has real suffering.

Sadness doesn’t have to be beautiful in order to be valid.

Sadness requires space, care, and context.

One of the most radical changes that could occur in the media regarding sadness is to move away from telling sad stories to understanding that aesthetic pain doesn’t necessarily have to exist for someone to validate or define another human's experience of pain/and or suffering.