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What to Do When You Feel Lonely: Finding Strength in Solitude

Opinion

November 23, 2024

Have you ever noticed how embarrassed you feel when you are alone and a group of girls or boys walk across you in the mall? Is that feeling as normal as you think it should be?

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The Pressure to Belong

Let’s talk about being a loner—not in a being left out of a hangout way, but being completely in solitude, spending time with just yourself. According to the typical high school experience, you’re supposed to have a group or a clique. If you don’t—oh boy, you're such a loser. Somehow, being alone is seen as a “loner,” even though the terms have completely different meanings.

So, why can’t we change the outdated narrative? What if being alone is powerful, amazing, inspirational, and meaningful? Perhaps others would start wishing they could spend more time alone.

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Societal Expectations of Friendships

It’s gotten to the point where social media obsessively promotes the “ideal” friend group: "the trio," “the duo”—it never ends. Friendships are treated like badges; the more you have, the more successful you are.

I have felt this too—the pressure to stick with a group that never made me feel good, even made worse sometimes because it’s better than nothing. But here’s the thing: feeling the pressure to belong never equals a real connection. So we should not put so much weight on it.

We are human beings, and we need true connection, not pressure to connect. Social media impacts how we view friendships and creates harmful standards that we must be socially out there and collect people rather than experience an authentic connection that makes us happy, even if that's being with ourselves.

We’ve all seen or heard of the “loner” stereotype in TV, movies, and real life. Batman is a great example; he’s a “loner,” as society labels him, but he spends his days protecting and saving Gotham City. Batman shows us that his solitude allows him to thrive and accomplish great things—bigger than being socially accepted. These characters show how, when channelled positively, isolation lets us become resilient and powerful and achieve self-fulfillment.

Alone Time vs Lonely Time

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There’s a difference between being lonely and being alone; sometimes, we let this slip past us. Being lonely is longing for a connection, something outside of our control. Some people feel lonely, and that hurts them.

But what about being alone? That’s a state of mind; you choose to isolate and focus on your overall well-being. Alone time lets us explore our interests and passions and understand our true potential without the distractions of needing to impress those around us.

Studies show that spending time alone can improve creativity, resilience and productivity. Harvard School of Education suggests that solitude can help teenagers process emotions better. Time away from social media and people allows us to be more self-aware of our actions, words, mental health, and well-being. It also promotes personal values and perseverance in reaching our goals.

Another study from the University of Michigan found that being in solitude builds comfort with being alone, as well as self-esteem for stepping out of your comfort zone. Teenagers who participated in this study ended up building deeper connections and friendships with others. Why? Because they were comfortable with themselves and no longer felt pressured to fit in.

The Positive Side of Being Alone

This isn’t to suggest you should isolate yourself from everyone. Rather, you should establish a healthy balance between nurturing friendships and maintaining independence. If you ever feel lonely, whether due to friends moving away, relocating to a new place yourself, or even just spending time alone in public, there’s no need to feel ashamed or inadequate. Solitude is an opportunity to recharge, enhance creativity, and focus on what makes you unique.

Ultimately, solitude can help you build a sense of self that doesn’t rely on external validation. This confidence in your own company, cultivated over time, is an invaluable trait that everyone should experience.

Embracing Alone Time: Tips to Acclimate

Okay, if you are new to this, how do you start?

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1. Discover Your Hobbies: Explore activities you enjoy independently, such as painting, reading by the riverside, journaling, baking, or reconnecting with spirituality through prayer. Being in solitude can help you discover what you are passionate about.

These activities are not meant to pass the time but to strengthen your skills and tap into creativity. This allows you to slow down, provides a therapeutic outlet, and helps you process your thoughts and feelings.

2. Practice Self-Care: It isn't just about pampering yourself but restoring your mental health balance while providing love to your body and mind. Use your solitude to indulge in self-care routines, such as exercise, skincare, or even a personal spa day.

Take time to recharge and focus on your well-being. Some of these may seem like a lot, but they don't just benefit the body, they benefit the mind. Solitude allows you to focus on your body's needs while eliminating all distractions. We all need time to detach ourselves sometimes and focus on our well-being.

3. Take Yourself Out: Visit places you would typically go with friends, like a movie theatre, park, café, or restaurant. This may initially feel unusual, but over time, it can become liberating and restorative.

If dining alone or visiting public spaces solo feels intimidating, start with smaller outings. Try a casual café where you can bring a book or journal. Over time, these outings become something you look forward to. They become opportunities to connect with your thoughts and appreciate your own company.

Changing the Narrative

Everyone's path is different. Most importantly, social labels don’t define who you are or who you should be. Each person should feel comfortable being with themselves.

Let’s start to embrace being by ourselves because we are more than what others limit us to be. We should aim to normalize and celebrate solitude, recognizing that it signifies confidence and self-reliance rather than a lack of connection.

Closing Thoughts: Being Alone is a Superpower

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So why does the idea of being alone often inspire fear? Perhaps we haven’t taken enough time to see the beauty in it. Solitude enables self-reflection, encourages healthy habits, and allows us to grow without the pressure of conforming to others’ expectations.

Let’s rethink what it means to be a “loner” and embrace the potential for self-discovery that comes with solitude. Instead of fearing loneliness, use the time alone to uncover your strengths, passions, and power within your own company.

Melak Azad

Writer since Oct, 2024 · 1 published articles

Melak is a daydreamer, a writer, and a painter, she likes to find beauty in words that express her thoughts. When she isn't pondering about life, you can find her playing with her cat, watching true crime, or baking sweets. With a passion for justice and journalism, she aims to use her words to voice the voiceless and spread as much peace as she can in the world.

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