What type of men qualifies as a "performative male?"

The 2025 social media has painted us a correct, and oddly specific image.

This man is probably in his 20s or 30s, sitting across from you at an overly trendy coffee shop or a candle-lit wine bar, reading a paperback copy of The Second S-e-x by Simone de Beauvoir. On the table sits a half-drinken matcha, dark green in the absence of oatmilk. The man might be slightly attractive in ways or another: perhaps a dangling earring?

Perhaps a vintage band shirt tucked into tailored trousers with wire-rim glasses? He's obviously got taste. Next to him lays a tote-bag with The New Yorker printed on it (and no offense here because I have one too) and a few poetry chapbooks still fresh with the smell of ink. Initiate a conversation and you will discover a pattern in his topics of interest: he drops references to obscure films, political theory, a niche Jazz band he started listening to at the age of fifteen. Oftentimes you would realize that he knows nothing about the band except for their two biggest hits, and that he probably spends most of his time listening to Lana Del Rey, Laufey or Clairo.

If you’re a woman, you’ll notice right away how carefully he tunes in to every detail of your life—both the ones he’s lived and the ones he’ll never fully understand. Period cramps? He condemns outrageously.

Those should be banished from earth. I'm so sorry women have to suffer inequality under such patriarchal social structures. All women should get a raise. LGBTQ+ issues? Well, sorry I'm straight myself but yes of course I am an ally! Of all characteristics, he must let you know that he is a steadfast feminist.

Image Credits: Chung from Pexels

Now, I might be slightly depicting them in a sarcastic way here, but you get the flow. Performative males have become the next biggest red flag under the intense exaggerated (or not) portrayals of them across social media. In my opinion, just from an objective point of view, performative males are not, in anyways, overtly toxic.

They do not "manspain" or "manspread" in a careless, indifferent behavior and embrace the abusive usage of gender dynamics. However, I also agree with the latent toxicity of this meme. Here's why we should not make this a popular trend:

Why Performative Males Might Be A Little Bit Problematic

It usually all starts as a joke. So many performative males are on tiktok videos and instagram reels, but really, they're not that predominant in daily life. And even if there are, they're not even that bad. One would say.

There is merit in this stance, but to me, toxicity begins with the quiet economy of attention. The “performative male” persona trades on credibility. He earns admiration not only for his politics but for having the politics.

His feminism, his allyship, his self-aware critiques of capitalism become part of his brand. And when an identity is built on the display of virtue, it can shift the focus away from the very issues he claims to champion.

The other day, I was very intrigued by the appearance of performative male contests, especially the one in Seattle that caught the most attention. As The Guardian's writer, Rachel Connolly, claims:

The idea is that the performative male is a guy who goes about looking feminist and woke. The catch is that his aesthetic is curated to appeal to what he thinks women might like rather than being a totally earnest expression of his interests.

At the end of the day, the word "performative" comes from the inauthentic attentiveness that can feel like emotional theater as a result of the inability to truly resonate. He knows the right lines (“I hear you,” “I’m listening,” “That’s unacceptable”), but may never do the slower, less glamorous work of understanding. Yet oftentimes, it is exactly the slow, difficult process of actually learning the problem and someone’s specific needs that is more valuable. Performativity usually comes with the loud, repetitive chanting of phrases without truly confronting their own ingrained biases.

“A lot of the time they don’t know what they’re talking about,” one of the hosts of the Seattle performative male contest told the NYT, speaking about the kind of men who adopt this look. “It’s just an aesthetic for them.”

The risk isn’t that every matcha-sipping Beauvoir reader is secretly malicious. It’s that the look starts to count as labor, letting both the wearer and the audience feel as if something meaningful has already been done, when really, nothing has. The soft-spoken, well-read fashion of this trend makes the style charming.

Suddenly “feminist man” becomes a demographic to market to, not a commitment to live by. The more it trends, the easier it is for real structural issues like pay equity, reproductive rights, queer safety, to get reduced to vibes.

Image Credits: Pixabay from Pexels

Take the Quiz: Religion, Schools, and Equality

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Conclusion

Obviously it isn't impossible for straight men to be interested in astrology or Jane Austen, and deeply care about women rights. When performances come along with genuine engagement and advocacy, it is still a valuable trait.

But if the internet keeps rewarding the surface, we will risk mistaking the accessory for the effort. We really shouldn't indulge in the feminist theatrics in the primary attempt to impress progressive women (which we already know is unconvincing), and instead, hold these behaviors accountable as a means of discerning a man performing progress and a man helping it along.