Have you ever met someone who loved dishing things out, but couldn't take the heat when it got thrown right back at them? Well, if you have, then you can say you know a 'crybully'. It’s the person who attacks you, picks holes in things you do, or stirs up drama, yet the second you match their energy, you become the problem, and they're the victim.

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According to Merriam-Webster, a crybully is 'a person who falsely claims to be a victim or who feigns emotional pain in order to manipulate, coerce, or threaten others' and the internet has been running wild with this term lately, exposing everyone from politicians to influencers and those toxic friend experiences that make for great TikTok content.

In this article, I’ll cover the origins of the term, the psychology behind why crybullies behave the way they do, and there’ll be examples of real-life crybullies from political figures like Donald Trump to influencers like James Charles. This should help you identify the crybullies in your own life, and you’ll get strategies for dealing with them.

This article is for anyone who's ever felt gaslit by someone's tears, been called 'mean' for defending themselves, or is tired of watching people weaponise victimhood to avoid accountability. Calling out toxic behaviour is the first step to disarming it, because once you understand what a crybully is and how they operate, their tactics become far less effective, and you'll stop second-guessing yourself and start setting boundaries that’ll keep crybullies at bay!

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Crybulling Is Centuries Old

Crybullying isn’t an invention of Gen Z; it's just that now it has a name. There have been many, many, powerful people throughout history who’ve mastered the art of crybulling.

Ex-US President Richard Nixon (the Watergate Scandal guy) was pretty awful, according to many people. He ran ‘dirty tricks’ operations against political opponents (wire-tapping, break-ins to steal documents and other really shady practices). Yet, when he got caught, he painted himself as the victim of a media witch hun, not the villain he actually was, with his ‘I am not a crook’ speech.

The evidence was overwhelming, but did that stop Nixon from attempting to reframe himself as unfairly targeted? No, it didn’t. With a straight face and full chest, he refused to be held accountable for his actual crimes. Nixon used the classic crybully move, flipping the narrative.

King Leopold II of Belgium was a crybully too! His brutal regime in the Congo killed around 10 million people, millions more than Hitler, through forced labour, starvation, disease and murder. His soldiers literally cut off workers' hands for not meeting quotas.

Many of these workers were children, and they suffered the same fate!! When the world could no longer turn a blind eye to the atrocities, what did Leopold do? That’s right, he claimed he was a victim of defamation, being slandered by jealous rivals and said that he was on a ‘humanitarian mission’ to bring ‘progress’ to Africa. The audacity!

We can even go back to Ancient Rome to Emperor Nero. He was known for being extremely cruel, extravagant and for violently persecuting Christians. He enjoyed torture and executions for his perverse entertainment, but when he was declared a public enemy of the state, he fled, moaning about how unfairly he'd been treated.

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What do these three historical figures have in common? That’s right, misuse their position, get called out on it, then cry about being the victim when accountability comes knocking. So you see, crybulling is an age-old manipulation tactic used by people who refuse to face the consequences of their actions.

What’s different today is that with TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and other social media, these patterns are more visible, which is probably why we've finally developed the language to call it out!

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The Psychology Behind the Crybully

So, what on earth is going on in a crybully's head?

1. The DARVO Strategy. This stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.

It's a classic manipulation tactic where the person who caused harm flips the script to make themselves look like the injured party. Crybullying is basically DARVO in action. Essentially, crybullies use what psychologists call ‘strategic self-presentation.’ This is where the crybully plays the victim to avoid taking accountability. When they're called out for their behaviour, they respond by shifting the narrative to make themselves out to be the injured party. It's what Nixon, Leopold and Nero did. It’s deflection at its finest!

2. Narcissism. Many crybullies actually have narcissistic personality traits, including egos as fragile as your grandma’s antique glass vase. They can't handle criticism, but they can dish it out like candy on Halloween, and because of their cognitive dissonance, they reframe any criticism as undeserved.

3. Lack of Emotional Regulation. At the core of crybullying is often an inability to manage emotions in healthy ways.

People with poor emotional regulation struggle to cope with discomfort, criticism, or conflict without immediately escalating to extreme reactions. When they feel challenged or called out, they can't sit with that uncomfortable feeling (you know that awkward sense of shame we feel when we realise we've done wrong) and process it maturely; instead, it's tears, rage, snotty noses and playing the victim to make the bad feeling stop. It's like an emotional emergency exit; instead of dealing with the actual issue, they create a bigger drama that shifts all the attention to their feelings.

4. Learned Behaviour. Think back to your early years, and somewhere in your mind will be a memory of a crybully (it could even be you).. Some children learn early on that playing the victim gets them what they want.

Maybe their parents caved in at the sight of the first teardrop, or maybe a full tantrum always got them out of trouble, or maybe when challenged by a teacher or other authority figure, their tears got them sympathy, so they weren't held accountable. Over time, it becomes a go-to strategy.

5. Victimhood Currency. Victim status holds significant social capital, and this is most apparent on social platforms.

Crybullies have figured out that claiming to be the victim can shut down criticism in its tracks, win followers and shift power in their favour. It’s calculated to exploit our collective empathy and our desire to come (like knights on white horses) to the protection of those who are we deem to have been wronged. On social media, tears and tantrums can lead to more likes, followers and subscribers, and this leads to platform power and, of course, vindication even when we're in the wrong.

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Current Examples (Naming Names...)

While it's probably best not to name specific celebrities, influencers and politicians (you can probably think of your own examples), public feuds involving:

• Influencers who start drama with other creators, then make tearful videos about being 'attacked' when they're called out. For example, beauty influencer James Charles, who has sparked feuds, then posted emotionally dramatic videos portraying himself as the victim when the backlash came.
• Public figures who say inflammatory things, then claim it's 'fake news' or that they're being 'silenced' when criticism comes calling. Donald Trump has frequently demonstrated this pattern.
• People like Lily Gaddis, who make careers out of provoking others, then monetise their 'persecution' when there are consequences.

The pattern is always the same; they start things and then spiral into victimhood when challenged!

Why this matters

Cyberbullying isn't just annoying. It's actually harmful because:

• It silences real victims by making it harder for real victims to be believed and supported.
• It prevents accountability. After all, the main objective is to avoid consequences for bad behaviour, which means problems don’t get resolved and patterns continue.
• It's emotionally draining. If you've ever dealt with a crybully, you know how exhausting it is. And you end up questioning yourself: 'wait, am I the bad guy here?'
• It poisons relationships and communities, whether it's friendships, workplaces, or online spaces, crybullying creates toxic environments with arguments, unfair accusations, self-doubt and people afraid to speak up.

Dealing with a Crybully: Some practical ways to handle it:

• Stick to Your Guns: Don't let them twist the story. Don't let their tears make you forget what really went down.
• Draw a Clear Line: It's okay to say, 'I hear you're upset, but I'm not going to apologise for standing up for myself;' that way you're being absolutely clear that you don't accept blame.
• Write It All Down: This is key, especially if it’s a serious situation like harassment at work or online. Crybullies thrive best when there's no evidence about what really happened, so keep screenshots, messages, and voice notes. Keep everything.
• Ignore the Show: When you respond to their dramatic 'poor me' act, you're fuelling their fire. Sometimes, the smartest and best thing you can do is to simply keep your lips sealed and walk away.
• Get a Second Opinion or Three: Talk to people about what happened. Crybullies lose power when they can't control their version of the story.

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The Bottom Line

Using fake victimhood to manipulate others goes back to ancient times, and it plays out daily on social media, in schools, workplaces and even in our homes. The difference is that we now have a name for it. It's a catchy word and maybe, just maybe, if enough people recognise the pattern, it'll become less effective (starve the crybully of the oxygen they so desperately crave). Real hurt doesn't need to be weaponised, and real victims deserve better than to have their experiences mimicked by people trying to dodge consequences.

The next time someone tries to flip the script and play the victim, you'll know exactly what's happening.

You've seen it before. Now you know what to call it!