From a young age, we are taught that being selfish is a flaw and a trait we should avoid having at all costs. We were told to share, to give, and to sacrifice for the good of others.

While selflessness is admirable, what if being a selfless person isn't always the best option?

Like most things in life, selfishness has its ups and downs. Let's discuss them.

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The Controversy Around Being Selfish

Selfishness is defined as only thinking of yourself, usually at the expense of others.

But it doesn't have to. By learning to be selfish without harming others, you can unlock a new form of self-love and confidence.

By society's standards, being a selfless person is the golden standard. Always share, always give, always put others first.

The problem with that lies in the word always. If you are always selfless and always giving, what's left for you? Constantly being a selfless and giving person can be draining and can manifest in people taking advantage of you.

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The harsh reality is that the world is a selfish place, and no one will ever care for you as much as you care for yourself. No one should care for you as much as you should care for yourself. If your world doesn't revolve around you, who else is it going to revolve around?

Being selfish doesn't mean being a horrible villain; it means being the center of your universe. Being a giving and selfless person is great, but being able to see the line between what you should give and what you should take is even better.

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The In-Between

When selfishness is not balanced, it becomes toxic and even harmful to others.

There is a very clear line between healthy and toxic selfishness. To define it simply, healthy selfishness is being able to know when and where putting yourself first is best for you. Think about the advice given during emergencies: “help yourself before you help those around you."

You can’t fill someone else's glass with an empty jug. No matter what, the first person you should be kind to is yourself, always. Just like everything in life, being selfish needs balance.

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A selfless person who doesn't know how to put their foot down and set boundaries becomes a pushover. Always thinking and worrying about other people's emotions can be draining. You can't always put other emotions first, but at the same time, you can't just go around being an inconsiderate villain.

People who don't know they are selfish and don't know how to be considerate are like leeches. They suck everything good from the people around them and even the people who happen to come near them. These people do not care about hurting others to get what they want, sometimes they don’t even realise that their hurting people. Do not be like them; you can be selfish while still taking others into consideration.

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Being Selfish Can Be Admirable

The world is far from perfect, and as people, we need to adapt.

Being selfish and having the ability to say "no" is admirable. Being able to say “no” firmly without guilt is such a powerful and wonderful thing.

Being selfish helps you protect your time, energy, mental health, and money without guilt. Ambition and direction often bloom from selfish desires. Chasing your dreams, moving across the world, or fighting for opportunities all require you to be a little selfish.

True innovation doesn't come from people pleasing; to truly succeed, you need to put yourself, your ideas, values, and visions first. Being selfish allows you to focus on yourself and what is important to you; it allows you to live without regrets. If you prioritize yourself, in 10 years or even 20 years, you won't look back at your youth and have regrets.

You only have this life; don't live it cautiously.

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Being Selfish Without Harming Others

The key to being selfish without harming others is constant self-reflection and self-awareness. Self-reflection is the ability to hold yourself accountable for what you’ve done wrong and think about how other people might've felt. Understanding what you've done wrong, even if you don't feel like you're wrong, is not easy.

Remember, not everyone is going to think like you, and that's perfectly okay. When you look at something from a different perspective, it can completely change how something looks.

You can't always see every perspective, but you can try to understand the perspectives that are presented to you. Self-reflection goes hand in hand with self-awareness; you need to know who you are and what you're like in order to reflect. If you don't know yourself, what are you reflecting on?

That’s why you need to be selfish; when you learn to be selfish, you also learn a lot about yourself. What you want for yourself is bound to come if you focus on yourself and do not settle for anything less. There is no such thing as a bad or good person. Some people are a little better than bad, while others are more bad than good; no one is perfect.

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Final Thoughts

I hope this article showed you that there is a huge difference between caring about how your actions affect others and feeling responsible for how others feel.

You don't need to feel like it's your duty to walk on eggshells to keep people around you happy. Those aren't eggshells, those are shards of glass hurting you, but you're too busy caring for others to feel the pain that that is causing you. It is your life, no one should shame you for putting yourself first and living it.

Live and love as selfishly as you can because true happiness comes from being able to be alone, sit with yourself and love yourself. No one will ever love you more than you love yourself.

So, love yourself like you are the most special person in the world, because you are.