When someone asks you, “Hey, what’s wrong?” and you reply with, “Nothing, I’m fine :)”, are you really feeling fine? Think about it, it’s a phrase that we use so often, whether in texts, quick convos, or in the hallways at school. It’s the first thing we say when someone asks how we are.

Why? Because it’s quick, easy, and most of all, safe. But something we aren’t realizing is that this simple phrase is slowly becoming the mask we force ourselves to wear everyday.

I used to believe that keeping my emotions within myself was what made me strong. For example, if I had a bad day at school, I’d simply brush it off. Heard someone say something hurtful?

I’d pretend I didn’t hear them. Even when I was alone and stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, I simply laughed it off or thought of the bright side. I soon realized, I wasn’t going to see the bright side if I kept forcing myself to drown myself in a sea of overwhelming emotions.

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The Culture of “Fine”

In a world where vulnerability is seen as weakness, it doesn’t take much to think that we aren’t supposed to show our broken side. On social media, our favorite influencers seem like they’ve got it all figured out, without a worry straying their mind. But let reality speak for itself, most of us are barely holding it together at times.

But like most success stories, nobody seems to speak about the hard days. This leads to the assumption that it's just us isn’t it? And so, we hide and bottle those terrible feelings, hoping for a better day.

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This culture has taught us to not “burden” others with our feelings, especially those who don’t want to listen. This sort of self-sufficient attitude has caused us to smile through the pain, laugh off our struggles, and keep ourselves occupied to not think too much. Yet, it goes without saying, we can’t keep ignoring our emotions, thinking they’ll disappear. As a matter of fact, it’s just a matter of time until they return, stronger and more chaotic.

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What Happens When You Avoid Your Feelings

The mentioned cycle of avoiding your emotions for another day and then returning back can eventually lead to an emotional breakdown. At its simplest form, we are simply like pressure cookers. The anxiety simmers, then the stress begins to accumulate, and the sadness turns into hopelessness.

One fine day, even a small thing like losing your favorite bracelet or getting a bad grade can make you feel like the whole world is flipped upside down. This is weakness and it’s the consequence of emotional neglect.

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This is what I’ve learned the hard way:

Suppressing emotions expends way too much energy. It’s just you pretending to be fine all the time and as a result, you forget what “okay” really is.

Breaking the Cycle

Let’s be honest, the hardest part of dealing with emotions isn’t experiencing them. It’s simply acknowledging them. It’s hard to say “I’m not okay today.” and it’s especially difficult to give yourself the permission to cry it all out to a friend or even just to yourself. It’s scary, it really is, but it’s also extremely relieving.

When I realized it was time to change, I started small. I began journaling by simply jotting down whatever I felt without anyone there to judge me. And when I talked to a close friend of mine, I was surprised to hear two words that reshaped my perspective forever: “Me too!” One thing that I wished I’d done to help me even more was talking with a counselor when things felt too heavy to handle alone.

Soon, I realized that I wasn’t alone like I thought I was! It felt like ages since I’d felt such a light heart, it was truly mystical.

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The Bottom Line

Vulnerability isn’t weakness. Its truthfulness and being truthfulness is what allows us to heal.

A friendly reminder:

You aren’t alone.

You don’t have to carry everything on your own.

You aren’t obliged to say “I’m fine” when you aren’t.

So the next time somebody asks how you’re doing, take this chance and maybe, just maybe, tell them the truth. Who knows? Maybe they’ll say “Me too!” back. That’s the first step towards healing.