With the demure aesthetic gaining attention everywhere, it’s essential to understand what it truly means.
Demure — Reserved, modest, and serious.
Being demure is about respecting yourself and others while maintaining focus. Let's take a closer look at Rory Gilmore, an iconic representation of this aesthetic. I’m here to guide you through five steps to elevate your style and demeanor to Rory Gilmore level of demure; while focusing on different aspects of your life.
Fashion
Your clothes should be modest and well-put-together, just like Rory Gilmore's style. Rory always made sure that her outfits, including her uniform, looked polished without being form-fitting or overly tight. Dressing this way reflects self-respect, as your clothes should fit properly. Choose neutral colors and simple jewelry to embrace Rory's aesthetic—soft, flowing outfits that are quite yet elegant.
Avoid the trend of revealing clothes or leggings for everyday wear. Instead, combine comfort and class with romantic touches. Think cardigans, cozy sweaters, and longer skirts, allowing yourself freedom in your clothing choices.

Credit: RF. _ .studio from Pexels
Beauty
Embrace your natural beauty and your unique face. You don’t need layers of makeup to highlight your beauty, and you definitely don’t want to be someone who looks completely different without it. If you do wear makeup, go for softer tones—just a bit of concealer, foundation, or mascara.
A little truly goes a long way. We are young and beautiful, and there’s no need to hide that behind a mask of makeup. Keep your hair in easy, effortless styles, whether that means a casual look or something that seems intricately styled but simple. Above all, maintain clean and stylish hair. Always remember that real beauty comes from within.

Credit: Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
Behavior and Attitude
Attitude is everything. It's not just about being confident, but also about carrying yourself with modesty and poise. Practice graciousness and humility in your everyday interactions.
Listen more than you speak, and become an active listener who is genuinely engaged. Keep a focused attitude—be present in the moment, but also have a plan for the future. Stay on top of your tasks and responsibilities to the best of your ability. Make yourself proud by embracing confidence, as it's another form of beauty.
Your words matter just as much as your attitude. Have you ever heard Rory Gilmore swear? No, because she maintained a level of demure and she had a pure approach to her speech.
She avoided calling people rude names and refrained from excessive gossip. Be mindful of your words as she was, and choose to speak with intention and kindness.
Smarts
Reading and writing were two of Rory Gilmore’s favorite pastimes, and they can be transformative for you too. Create reading lists or find ones that inspire you. If you prefer not to read physical books, explore audiobooks or read news articles.
The key is to expand your knowledge. Dive into different genres and writing styles—reading a variety of books will change the way you see the world.
Writing is equally important. Journaling, in particular, can help you grow intellectually. You don’t have to write formal pieces like articles, blogs, or essays—just write.
Whether it’s a story or reflections on your day, putting words on the page helps you grow. Even if it feels like nonsense, writing strengthens your mind.

Credit: Polina Kovalena from Pexels
Engage in groups that match your interests, whether it’s clubs, sports, or academic pursuits. Rory did this, and it deepened her love for journalism. Through the Yale Daily News and her journalism internship, she experienced the field firsthand. By branching out, you’ll open doors to unexpected opportunities that will shape your future.
Relationships
Your friends play a crucial role in your life, but it’s important to choose them wisely. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and inspire you. It’s just as important to be the kind of friend you want in return—kind, thoughtful, and demure.
Focus on the quality of your friendships rather than trying to have many superficial connections. Rory only had two best friends: her mom and Lane, and she invested deeply in those relationships. Prioritize the people who matter most, and be there for them.
Be supportive, take the time to understand their perspectives, and respect both your boundaries and theirs. Stay humble, friendly, and always remember your manners.

Credit: Chu Chup Hihn from Pexels
Don’t feel pressured to share details of your life that you’d rather keep private. Rory was discreet—like the time Paris asked her PSAT score, and Rory kept it to herself. Some things are better left unsaid, even among friends.
You don’t want to stir jealousy or doubts, even unintentionally. Be demure, maintain your privacy, and remember that it’s okay to keep certain aspects of your life just for you.
Takeaways
Being demure isn’t just a passing trend—it’s a way of life. Embracing this lifestyle means adopting grace, modesty, and thoughtfulness in everything you do. Rory Gilmore is a perfect example of this.
She lives with quiet confidence, respect for others, and a focus on personal growth. If you want to embody this aesthetic, start by practicing humility, staying poised, and carrying yourself with dignity.
Keep your words, actions, and appearance thoughtful and refined. Choose to dive deeper into your relationships, prioritize your education, and maintain privacy when it counts. Being demure is a timeless choice that reflects inner beauty and strength.

Credit: Max Fischer from Pexels