My Story

I’ve always been academic. Determined. Focussed and gritty.

I got some of the best grades in class, and I think I knew some part of who I was— someone who tried, cared and then earned. Notebooks that always look the part, great marks, in the good books of the teachers. I earn what I achieve. And somewhere in my mind I felt like that should’ve made me feel like the “main character” of my life.

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And still, why didn’t that feel enough? Why couldn’t that feel enough?

Because then there was her.

The main character

She wasn’t my superior. She would only overtake me by a couple of grade points — but we were often side-by-side; topping class, getting recognised for the same achievements. But, there was something about her.

Something really different. Not in the way she performed. But the way she was perceived.

I think it was because she had the kind of presence people remembered. She was extroverted, appeared friendly, always part of all social activities - and on top of that she scored best in class, while I did achieve some of the highest grades —but I was the odd duck. Never fit in. Evaded all sorts of social situations possible.

She had this energy that made people turn their heads. She wasn’t a perfect angel— she could be a bit mean and rude when she felt like it. And yeah, she loved all the attention.

She was always loud. And even though I got frustrated by it—I appreciated it. Despite all of it; or maybe because of it— I admired her silently.

I acknowledged and respected her presence, her intelligence; and got annoyed by it too. The way she could glide like butter through a conversation with simply anyone. I saw her once, in class, taking notes, every note the teacher said onto the page— just like me.

We worked the same. But when she did it….it looked more cooler. More worth noticing.

The Change

That’s when that moment started slowly, changing me.

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Because it wasn’t that I wanted to be someone else. I just wanted to be seen the way she was. I wanted to be ideal, and I wanted people to look at me and think —“Yeah, she’s got it all figured. She belongs here.”

I never exactly copied her. At least, not completely. But I started noticing myself adjusting, gradually.

Laughing at all the things she would, talking like her, becoming more conscious of how my posture was. I even began to test social waters, making small talk with her, trying to befriend her—to know how she did it all.

But none of it made me feel secure, or better. The closer I got to the spotlight, the more I felt like I was drifting away from myself. That’s when it hit me. I wasn’t chasing friendship at all. I was chasing validation—some imagined moment where people would look at me and say “Yes, you belong here.”

And obviously, that moment never came. And eventually I realised, I never needed it.

I didn’t stop working hard. I didn’t stop caring about my goals. But I stopped trying to be anyone but myself.

I stopped measuring my value through anyone else’s attention. I questioned why I thought I needed to be a main character at all.

What even is a main character?

For so long, I thought it meant being the most seen, interesting and admired. But now, I think it just means being the most yourself — not in a performative way, but in a grounded, peaceful one. It means trying to be the hero of your own story; not trying to crash in someone else’s for a cameo. Because the only person whose validation matters, is you.

I began finding peace in the things no one saw : the calm effort. Writing on the Teen Magazine, reading self-help books, waking up at 5 AM.

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I still appreciate her. She taught me things - about confidence, ambition, even self-expression. But I also see her more clearly now.

She isn’t perfect. No one is. And I don’t need to idealise her to feel my own strength.

No, I’m not the background character. And I don’t have to become a main character. Because in my eyes, I’m the only character that truly matters, and I don’t need to chase anyone else’s approval for that.

Because I’m not living in someone else’s spotlight. I’m writing my own story - and that’s more than enough.

Conclusion

Learning to let go of the need to be anyone else except myself has been one of the most challenging and crucial experiences of my life. It’s easy to get caught up in other people’s aspects and forget that we all have our own unique journey to walk. I’m still learning to embrace all my inner thoughts and quiet feelings, at my own pace, the kind of strength that comes from inside, not from applause—or attention.

So, this goes out to anyone, who feels like they need to be a main character just to matter. Listen to me; you already are your own hero. When you stop chasing others’ approval and start believing in your own worth, that’s when you truly shine.

And that is enough.