Traditional housewife (AKA trad wife) influencers such as Nara Smith and Hannah Neeleman (@ballerinafarm) are going viral and receiving some praise, but a lot of backlash, too. So let's ask ourselves a question: are we betraying feminism by becoming housewives?
What is a housewife? Well, according to Oxford Languages, it is “a woman whose main occupation is caring for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework, while her husband or partner goes out to work.”
In my opinion, no, being a housewife does not mean you are not a feminist.
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The Importance of (Stay-at-Home) Moms
Many of us have a mom who is a housewife who cooks, cleans, gives us long lectures, and most importantly, is there for us when we need her. They are inarguably essential (as mothers make up the backbone of the household). My mom is a housewife! If she were working, I am not sure I would be the person I am today (in a positive way, of course).
Some people view women staying at home and being “traditional” as misogynistic, believing it pushes us back as a society. This is incorrect, as being a housewife is hard and incredibly valuable work.
Radical feminists are often associated with hating men, never settling down, or having kids. For the record, having kids is a totally individual choice, and if someone doesn't want to have kids, that's fine too. Radical feminists just tend to strongly dislike the idea of women having kids and staying at home.
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I feel like people have unknowingly reduced what housewives do to “useless and meaningless work.” In my opinion, however, a woman sacrificing her chance at making money or gaining fame just so that her child can grow up nurtured is beautiful, brave, and feminist in her own right.
There’s nothing wrong with a woman choosing to take care of the kids rather than work a 9-5. In fact, it should be applauded.
We as a society repeatedly say that money and fame don’t matter, but rather love and family matter. So why is it that women are nowadays being seen as lesser for deciding to take care of her family and love her kids?
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TikTok “Tradwives”
Some mothers feel like they are losing themselves, a term used when mothers feel as if they are just moms and nothing else. And that can happen as a result of not having a support system.
Look, I’m not going to come on here and say that being a housewife is going to be all aesthetic and cute like those tradwives on TikTok and YouTube shorts. They’re not actual stay-at-home moms. Even Nara Smith herself said that she is not a tradwife.
Nara Smith went viral by making shorts that depicted her making food for her family from scratch. And I mean scratch. For example, she made cereal from scratch, she made sprinkles from scratch when baking Crumble Cookies, and when she made a PBJ sandwich. The PBJ sandwich consisted of dough made from scratch, jelly made from scratch, and probably peanut butter, too.
This sparked anger and annoyance on social media. Many young people are watching these clips and are either rolling their eyes, seething with anger, or worried that this is what it means to be a housewife.
Not all housewives are going to be making everything in the kitchen from pure scratch, as it would be too much time, too much work, etc. Second, if she spent that much time cooking, then when would she spend time taking care of her kids?
These videos, like all other social media posts, are fake and most likely used to elicit some sort of strong reaction from the viewer.
Moms Need To Have A Support System
I brought up having a support system earlier, but what does that mean? It means having family or trusted friends to take care of the kids at times and make sure the mom is being well-taken care of. It can be their mom or dad or their in-laws, and their husbands (who should take very good care of their wives at this time). For example, my Grandma helped take care of my mom and my older sister after she was born.
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Also, let’s normalize Dads taking care of the kids, too. My dad used to look after me and my siblings a lot. I thought this was the norm until I learned that other husbands don’t lift a finger or help their wives at all. That is outrageous behavior and should be called out as such.
We need to create safe environments so that stay-at-home moms can take care of their kids peacefully and safely without fearing the costs or stresses of raising a child.
Kids deserve their mom’s attention, and moms deserve to spend time with their kids. Which is why I believe that paid maternal leave is super important.
Did you know that the US is the only developed country that does not have paid maternal leave on a national level? Countries such as Bulgaria allow 410 days of paid maternal leave for moms! Meanwhile, in the US, the average time is about 10-12 weeks, which is insane. Keep in mind that the first 10 days are paid through sick leave, and the next 12 days are paid by personal time; the rest is unpaid.
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By the way, I’m not saying that once a woman decides to become a housewife, she is required to be that forever. Whether a woman wants to be a housewife or not is her choice. I'm just saying that if she wants to prioritize raising her child in her younger years and take a pause on work, she shouldn't be ashamed or feel guilty for it. My mom, after my youngest sibling started going to fourth grade, started working, so it's up to the person.
TLDR
It’s essential to a child’s growth that they are taken care of, and who better than their mom? That said, moms should have a good support system of friends and relatives who can take care of mom and baby when needed. Finally, we should celebrate and honor moms and not allow women to be torn between their rights, dreams, and family.
