Why I Gave Up on Being ‘That Girl’ - and Why You Should Too

‘The feminine urge to have it all.’

In society, this is something often recognised in women of working age who carry the burden of managing both career and family with perfect balance at all times.

However, this concept of having it all is now rapidly showing up in the mindset of younger girls through the term That Girl or IT Girl.

The general definition of a That Girl is someone who has a flawlessly curated life that others aspire to. She has the ideal physical appearance, attractiveness, intelligence, talent, a thriving social life, and an enviable dating life. Some examples include Sydney Sweeney, Zendaya, Madison Beer, Jennie of Blackpink, and Jang Won young of IVE.

Image Credits: 티비텐 on Wikimedia Commons

Aesthetic Pinterest boards and 5 AM matcha mornings are now heavily promoted across every social media platform. But is any of it actually making us feel better? Is the “That Girl” lifestyle quietly turning into yet another toxic standard, or is it a healthy self-improvement trend?

My Personal Experience

I was a victim; I was a severe victim.

I watched video after video of gorgeous models eating perfect healthy meals, showing off their workout routines and That Girl lifestyles. I wanted it all.

After my exams ended, I started working out. On one particular day, I recreated the healthiest meals I’d seen online: avocado toast with berries and yogurt for breakfast, and a chicken salad for dinner. It seemed too good to be true.

I worked out, met my friends at a café, completed some online course studying, and even got some internship work done. On paper, it was the ideal day.

But I was exhausted.

The thought of repeating that level of perfection the next day was daunting. The guilt weighed on me, and I found myself back on the couch the next day, scrolling through reels of the same It Girls I had tried to emulate.

Sure, for a day, it felt refreshing but it put immense pressure on me to be productive every single moment, as if I were being watched all the time. What started as motivation to improve myself quickly turned into a performance. I felt like my freedom had disappeared.

On top of that, social media only shows us the best moments of other people’s lives. I started comparing my entire journey to the highlight reels of hundreds of other girls.

There I was, tired and insecure, scrolling through videos of girls doing pilates with their best friends or going on romantic trips to Paris. Doesn’t that just make a girl feel wonderful about herself?

Image Credits: Deeksha Pahariya on Unsplash

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The Psychology Behind It

Social Comparison Theory, developed by Leon Festinger, explains how we estimate our self-worth by comparing ourselves to others- especially when we feel uncertain.

Social media only intensifies this. Algorithms are designed to maximise engagement by showing us content that is aspirational, visually appealing, and emotionally triggering.

This creates what's known as an “upward comparison loop” - we feel inadequate because we’re constantly being shown idealised versions of other people’s lives.

Alexandra Medina, a psychology student from Northeastern University, explained that in trying so hard to meet the unrealistic standards of the That Girl trend, many young women are sacrificing their creativity and individuality. Some households can’t afford organic groceries all the time. Some people’s bodies simply aren’t built for working out twice a day, seven days a week and that is completely okay.

Still, our tendency to conform, paired with our brain’s love for routine and structure, leaves us especially vulnerable.

Another key concept is surveillance culture where we normalise the feeling of being watched, whether real or imagined. As I mentioned earlier, I constantly felt like I was performing for an invisible audience. That pressure stripped away any sense of freedom and replaced it with anxiety, masked as discipline.

The toxic culture of the That Girl trend

Social media and influencer culture has created a capitalist trap around young girls’ desire to be That Girl. Aesthetics of how a girl should look or what her hobbies and friend circle should look like have turned into a product promotion scheme. Women are expected to look effortlessly beautiful and ‘clean’ (the clean girl trend) to conform to the beauty they see online. But to reach this level, it requires tremendous amount of time and money. Although some progress has been made toward showcasing more diversity in the That Girl image and embracing characteristics that society at large may have considered ‘insecurities’ in the past, it isn’t enough.

The lack of representation of neurodiverse girls or genuinely body positivity influencers is missing. If this isn’t bad enough, influencers like Clara Dao who promoted living an amazing life with a flat chest got a breast implant and changed the entire angle of her content. Of course, this is an amazing personal choice of hers which looks great, but the young girls following her may suddenly feel insecure about their own bodies.

Famous IT Girls like Madison Beer have confessed that they face still face body dysmorphia even though they have the look and body millions of girls envy.

Models who post online are also viewed as the epitome of a perfect body and That Girl vibe however, in an article by Margot Rittenhouse, around 40% of models engage in disordered eating with 54% of them skipping meals. Additionally, a proportion of them engage in self-induced vomiting behaviours and use IV drops to offset malnutrition.

These are far from ‘healthy’ body standards and it doesn’t just stop at physical appearance. In a Medium article, Muhammad Hashir talked about an influencer who faked their entire lifestyle. This just shows how we are being influenced towards a trend and ideal image which even people online haven’t actually achieved.

We give up?

So, this elusive concept of being That Girl is actually just an illusion and we would be better off if we gave ourselves a break and lived at our own pace. Every moment doesn’t need to be productive, every corner of your room doesn’t need to be perfectly clean and pink, and every meal you eat doesn’t have to be 100 percent healthy.

As a motivation to improve, it’s an amazing habit to follow some influencers if it helps you gain confidence in yourself or helps you improve some habits you incorporate in your daily life but you are your own person and if That Girl can be from across industries, ages and countries- who says you aren’t one already?