Messy, chaotic, toxic, addictive, sometimes endearing?

These words, and many more, are what I hear fellow teens and young adults say about situationships. And honestly, I do agree. Personally, they're not my taste: they're typically unorganized, full of unsaid things, and high off emotions. But hold on, I can't just make assumptions about every single situationship.

What are the pros to these? Why do tons of teens and young adults venture into this genre of "ships"? This is something that I, and I'm sure you, are wondering about. But before I dive into that, let's get into the basics.

What is a "Situationship"?

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Depending on the person, the meaning can vary. However, it's often described as an undefined romantic or emotional relationship—emphasis on the undefined part. It's almost like another term for something "casual," where there's no formal labels. Situationships are like the gray area in between casual relationships and someone saying "it's complicated." Additionally, commitment tends to be much lower than in a labeled relationship.

Even in modern media, I see tons of situationships portrayed, and I feel that's where most teens get their ideas of what situationships are. An infamous example? Ross and Rachel from Friends.

From TV shows, to movies, to even songs, teens and young adults are subjected to these characters and their interaction dynamics. It's no wonder modern dating boasts so many situationships.

Despite the popularity, situationships are known for their rather "toxic" influences and outcomes, so let's dive into that.

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The Toxicity

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While ambiguity can be beneficial in certain circumstances, the uncertainty of everything makes a situationship so confusing to navigate.

Numerous issues arise in light of a situationship; here's a brief list of some of the most common ones:

• Lack of communication
• Lack of clarity in general
• Unset boundaries
• Lack of commitment
• Closed-off feelings
• No real connection
• Unmet needs
• Isolation

Situationships tend to occur when one person has feelings for the other, but the other person doesn't want to reciprocate or acknowledge the others feelings. Another common instance is where both people don't want something defined, leading to a situationship. While these situations, and more, differ in their own ways, they often dig up fears and lack the safety that a defined relationship would have. Additionally, jealousy (not the Olivia Rodrigo song) pops in from time to time, increasing tensions, like you see in romance books.

Situationships prey on your downfall, your unhealthy habits. The highs and lows? The emotional roller-coaster ride?

The manipulation? The gaslighting? The questioning? Check ✓ It has those, and I say the only thing constant about a situationship is its inconsistency.

Toxicity? Check ✓

All of these components and effects give situationships the popular term "toxic," for good reason. Now, even after witnessing all of the terribly loose ends, heartbreaking scenes, and sorrowful songs, why are they so popular?

The real star of the show? Addiction.

Addiction

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Your sweet tooth, the hobby you spend maybe a little too much time doing, that one video game—yes, all of these are examples of addiction; it's the mastermind behind it all. How would situationships sustain their popularity without it?

I know I certainly wouldn't be in a situationship with all of these negative effects, but what are people addicted to in a situationship?

1. The Uncertainty

The answer varies per person, but I will say this: we yearn for the unknown, the uncertain. Discoveries—space, the center of Earth, even situationships—propel us forward: they challenge us. What is there to do if we don't know the uncertain?

Dopamine, anticipation, excitement—does it sound familiar? For some, curiosity killed the cat. In short, some chase the feeling of uncertainty; hence, they enter a situationship and can't get out.

2. The "High"

For others, the intermittent interaction solidifies their place. When they suddenly start getting less affection, they want that "high" again. The affection is irregular and in periods, yet they still want to "win" in a sense. This feeling, the winning, is similar to that of gambling or other addictive habits.

3. Self Value

As mentioned earlier, some may use situationships as a coping mechanism for past traumas, especially if they don't know their own tendencies. Those who crave affection, clarity, and understanding want validation and acceptance from the other person, especially if their self-esteem has been lowered. Additionally, some depend on situationships because they don't want to get into a labeled relationship. They see less emotions and commitment, immediately jumping right in.

In the end, the addiction is what keeps these cycles moving and consequences multiplying; when you're addicted, you're less likely to get out.

End Notes—My Thoughts

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As a teen, situationships aren't for me. I don't like the undefined and the lacking; I would rather be in a labeled relationship. For others, that isn't the case, and I respect that. If this article has made you look at situationships differently, leave a comment!

Always remember, be aware of what you might be getting into.