This Is Why We Should Normalize Friendship Fall Outs

Friendships don’t always last forever.

People change, they move away, they become distant and that’s okay. Sometimes letting go of the past is exactly what you need to jump-start your future.

I will always cherish my friends because of who they meant to me and all the wonderful memories we shared. It doesn’t matter if we talk to each other every day or haven’t spoken in ten years. Everyone you meet makes an impact on your life in one way or another. Every relationship, no matter how big or small, matters.

But sometimes friendship doesn’t always last forever.

Summer ended so many of my relationships and it took me a while to realize that it was okay, that I wasn’t alone in the experience and that I didn’t do anything wrong. Everyone has trouble keeping in touch during those months away from school, where teens are either on vacation or spending time with family. The distance hacks away at the bonds we share with friends, and it gives people space to change. But maybe that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

It’s time to start normalizing friendship fall outs because it’s simply a part of growing up.

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Faded Bonds

It’s no secret that the longer we stay apart from others, the more we lose touch. They start to slowly dissolve in the back of our minds, until we stop thinking about them as often as we used to. It’s not that we don’t care about them, it’s just that life is complicated and chaotic and there is always so much going on, so it makes sense for us to push the less relevant subjects from our mind. It’s normal, it’s human.

During my elementary and preschool years, I had no phone to contact my friends and most of my summertime revolved around my family and spending time together. My friendships largely depended on who was in my class the next school year and whose parents were closest to mine. Every year brought me a new friend group, with a few key friends that usually stayed the same.

Little me didn’t care, though. She was always so happy because, somehow, she always ended up exactly where she was meant to be.

I never really thought about friendships disappearing in those years because I was always able to find my group, even in a field of new faces. It was only when I got older that it started to bother me, but I think smaller me had the right idea.

We lose people over the years, but we’re always able to find the right friends for each version of ourselves.

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An Excuse For The Inevitable

Sometimes friendships just don’t work out. You try to maintain a constantly weakening relationship because you miss what the friendship used to be or you fear who you are without it. It’s hard to leave someone who you once had a real connection with or someone you’ve known for so long. It can feel scary and unpredictable, so we shy away from the obvious red flags and instead shower them with forgiveness and apologies.

But as basic as it sounds, why force something that doesn’t work anymore? You deserve more than some half-effort friendship, where you constantly feel on edge, always second guessing yourself. Trust yourself. If the friendship doesn’t feel right, you don’t have to stay.

Separate classes, school breaks and switching schools gives some friends the perfect excuse and space they need to cut each other off without a huge argument or drama—just mutual acceptance.

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Growth

People grow and learn and change, so obviously there’s going to be some people that you don’t quite fit with anymore. While the school year is filled with learning, summer break is filled with experiences. Vacations and meeting new people and having time to figure out who we are as people through new hobbies and interests.

A lot of things change over the course of time and friendships change according to it. If you and your friend used to bond over playing tennis, but later you realize you love hockey more, you might not have much to talk about like you used to.

Or maybe it’s something more serious. Maybe you lost a family member and started to realize that maybe grades aren’t what matters most in the world, so you end up distancing yourself from your purely academic-driven friends.

Life changes us. I know I’m definitely not the same person I was at seven years old and that’s a good thing. As we get older, we experience more and change in response, to become an increasingly different version of ourselves.

Younger me was obsessed with My Little Pony, while older me is fixated on Stranger Things. Younger me was friends with everyone, while older me enjoys a smaller, more close-knit group. Little me used to love team sports, while present me prefers exercise that isn’t competitive.

I am not who I used to be. We don’t have to hold onto people who bonded with a past version of us. There are billions of people in the world, I promise there are others that will value you, as you are in this moment.

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Friendship

Friendship is hard. It requires constant maintaining and nurturing and effort from both sides. There’s no shortcut to a relationship that lasts forever, it takes work and commitment.

But that’s what makes it so beautiful.

What’s more comforting than knowing the people that surround you truly want to be there and support you no matter what? What’s more amazing than knowing you’re not alone, that there are people in this world that know and love every part of you? There’s nothing quite like friendship.

The world is scary, but it’s a whole lot less scary knowing you don’t have to face it alone. You are enough, just as you are. There’s no reason to change for someone or to force something that doesn’t work.

It’s okay for friends to leave, for you to let them go, because there will always be other people out there just waiting for you to enter their lives. Waiting for you to become a part of theirs.

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