As college application season is inching closer and closer towards us, it is normal to feel a range of emotions during this entire process. As a rising senior getting ready to jump into that wave, I completely get it. When faced with peers maximizing their chances and community impact by launching incredible initiatives and completing internships I could only dream about, the fall into the cycle of comparison and self-doubt is common and inevitable.

While everyone may have differing views on the effectiveness of this application processes, to me, this whole process is a way to show how much time we don't spend on ourselves and rather, how much time we invest in making an impact in our community, competing in prestigious competitions, and how much time we spend draining our battery just to get admitted into a good school. And even if your application resembles the most you could do, college admissions specialists could say "Yes, she has done a lot of activities, and has a good SAT score, but her grades freshman year don't cut it" Colleges don't see the effort we put in when everything around us seems to be falling apart.

It's exhausting, frustrating, and truthfully, stupid. Every year, college acceptance rates go down, with top colleges like Stanford and MIT below 5%. That is 1 student for every 100 applicants. That is insane, and with the era of extraordinary achievement, it is so degrading.

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The Future Is Determined At Age Seventeen

But that's not even the main point; we as students are required to determine the way we are going to be spending the rest of our lives at the age of 17. This is stupid because how can anyone know their entire future at 17? At this age, we are still getting to know ourselves, figuring out who we are and what we want from the world.

This is also the age where we are learning about the world. We are learning that not everything can be solved by a hug, like we used to believe when we were little. There are 100 majors to choose from so how am I supposed to know exactly what I want to pick and exactly what I want to spend the rest of my life doing if I haven't even experienced them all? I want to experience every career and expose myself to all my options before I can decide.

I want to actually work under professionals in hospitals and perform procedures not just study Biology and Chemistry, to determine if I want to be a doctor.

I want to step into a courtroom with the confidence that I've got my clients back during a trial before I determine I want to be a lawyer.

I want to enter a bank and call it my workplace before I determine I want to be a banker.

There is a growing fear of not choosing the right thing because I've never actually felt what it feels like to be what I'm planning to be. What if I hate my job? What if I don't want to sit in front of a computer all day, and realize I would want to spend my life doing the exact opposite?

These fears are unshakable and haunt me every day. Because in all, I'm only 17. I don't have it all figured out. I don't have a map and schedule for my life, and exactly how I'm going to live it. So why are we imposed with this incredible task?

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The Underwhelming Activities List

Now, let's talk about the activities list. I am supposed to write down only 10 things that were meaningful to me and somehow describe the activities that changed my entire perspective of the world in only one sentence? That one sentence doesn't show how much I grew from being small and insecure to bold and finding myself.

No, it only shows what I did and how I did it. Reading my activities list makes me feel helpless and unconfident in what I've done, even though I did the absolute most I could throughout my high school. Yes, in my freshman year, my grades and activities weren't up to the standard, but they don't see how I was the first person in my family still navigate America's schooling system. But the main thing is that I've grown from that, I finally understand how it works, and if they see my junior year grades and activities list, they can see how I've evolved. But do they? They look at everything. They look at the Cs, the Bs the GPA, all because I was supposed to have figured it all out the moment I stepped into high school.

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Let's not forget the amount of time we have to focus on ourselves. In high school they tell you you've got to manage your time, but they don't teach you how. I have several friends who say they use up their free time by spending time on their phones.

How many teenagers close to the age of 17 actually have hobbies? I'm not criticizing because I have that problem too. Trying to find time to focus on yourself and you passions is hard when in this age we are so reliant on technology to help us fill our time. And now, especially during this time, it is so hard to enjoy your hobbies because our days are filled with the burden of assignments and work load. Whenever I sit down to paint, or sing I often feel guilty of the time that I could have spent working on my college applications. And when I talked to some of my friends about this I realized that I'm not alone in this guilt.

When at restaurants, we struggle to enjoy the time and think of all the ways we could have used it otherwise. When at parties and events we feel thankful that we have gotten some time away from the work, but still not guilt free for spending it.

Don't Let It Take Over You

This constant cycle is one many teenagers are faced with and navigating through this process can be challenging, stressful, and exhausting. But it is important to know that you aren't alone in this journey. Your dedication, persistence, and effort is not unrecognized, even at times where it feels like it.

While this process may be hard, in few months it will all be over and your hard work will pay off. So keep going, but keep in mind, this isn't what determines your entire life. Take some stress off yourself and spend time enjoying moments guilt free. You got this, I believe in you!