In school, I learned that it's totally normal for girls to bond over not eating.

It always started the same way - someone at the lunch table would casually say, "I didn't even eat breakfast today," and suddenly everyone else said it in unison. A round of guilty confessions. Someone else would add, "I skipped dinner last night," and someone would shrug, stating, "I only had coffee".

I used to think that meant they were stronger than me. More controlled and put-together.

So I played along. If I had a sandwich, I'd say, "I didn't eat much this morning", like I had to earn the right to be hungry. I thought that eating in front of people wasn't allowed unless I proved I was barely surviving and functioning.

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Running has always been an important part of my life - I love it. But I couldn't figure out why I was so fatigued by the first mile in races. I trained hard.

I showed up. But my times weren't improving, and neither was my energy. I'd come home from meets completely wiped, like my body was doing the absolute most with the absolute least.

Spoiler alert: It was.

I had become so good at restricting, rationing, "watching what I eat", that I forgot actually to fuel myself. I thought discipline meant eating less. I didn't realize that I was sabotaging my own progress.

In a way, that realization saved me - because running gave me something diet culture couldn't prove.

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Proof that my body worked better when I treated it with respect. That eating wasn't a weakness - it was actually a requirement. My times improved when I started eating enough.

I recovered faster. I actually could focus at school instead of zoning out in math because my brain was in survival mode.

So I stopped apologizing for eating. Not instantly. Not perfectly.

But gradually. I stopped making up excuses for being hungry. I stopped explaining my lunch. I started listening to my body instead of my inner critic. And the weirdest part? No one cared. No one was waiting to shame me. It had always been me.

I've realized something: food guilt is boring. Shrinking yourself is boring. Being tired all the time from under-fueling is boring.

What's not boring is running a strong race and or laughing so hard at lunch that you forget to finish your snack. Or having enough energy to stay after school and work on something you love.

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I still hear people talk about hunger like it's something to be ashamed of. I still hear that line - "I didn't even eat breakfast today", like it's an accomplishment. I don't respect it anymore. I don't join the union of voices saying their reasons to eat.

I eat breakfast. I eat lunch. I eat snacks.

I run. I feel full - not just in the literal way, but in the alive way.

Eating is not something I'll ever apologize for again.