Mental health and wellness have begun to gain more traction in the past few years due to campaigns such as “End the Stigma”, and celebrities like Lady Gaga and Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson becoming more open about their own experiences with mental illness.
These days, thanks to social media and nonprofit organizations, techniques for dealing with issues, especially anxiety and depression, have become more common.
While this is a good thing, there needs to be more awareness about how to deal with low self esteem- a feeling that is especially common in teenagers.
Image Credit: Brandy Kennedy from Unsplash
If you look online about how to ‘cure’ self-esteem, the internet will tell you to be more compassionate about yourself and understand that you deserve to take care of yourself, not just others. This is extremely hard to implement and can seem overwhelming, especially for the most self-deprecating of us.
In this article, we will first look at the signs of low self-esteem and look at tips to boost our confidence in ourselves.
Let us slide into your dms 🥰
Get notified of top trending articles like this one every week! (we won't spam you)Signs
Image Credit: Simon Humler from Unsplash
In this section, we will be going over signs of low self esteem that are common, whether it's for yourself or for someone you know!
A quick note: for someone with low self esteem it may be difficult for them to recognize it themselves, and when they do, they often have no idea how to deal with it.
1. Comparing Yourself with Others
Image Credit: Jed Villejo from Unsplash
Competition isn’t always unhealthy; competition among companies can lead to better prices and products for consumers, for example, and lead to a more qualified pool of applicants for colleges and universities. However, for teenagers like ourselves, competition can feel like a drag. It can lead to a sense of depression and anxiety because of FOMO, along with a damaged sense of self-worth.
Parents and loved ones sometimes have too high expectations ever to meet- I remember one time when my friend told me that her mom said, “Why can’t you be more like Maya?” This was due to her singular B in math. The need to compare ourselves is further reinforced by social media, where people showcase their seemingly perfect lives or highlight how others like them. When we do not meet our standards of perfection, our feeling of self-worth often takes a tumble, and with it our confidence in our own abilities.
2. Negative/ Toxic Self Talk
Image Credit: Takwa Abdo from Unsplash
The phrase “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” gets tossed around quite a bit, but oftentimes the words we say to ourselves hurt quite a bit. Negative self-talk is extremely toxic, mainly because it is with ourselves, and unlike talking with other people, there is nobody to defend us from our own feelings. Negative self-talk is often discouraged by health professionals, but it is difficult to get out of and sometimes notice because we are so used to tearing ourselves down.
A good way to notice your self-talk turning toxic is to see if you exaggerate how badly you messed up or look. Let’s say that you say something hurtful to your friend like, “ Your hair isn’t that great today,” later you regret it, and you tell yourself you’re a horrible person. This is a classic example of over exaggerating the extent to which your behavior was harmful. Another thing could be that you tell yourself that you looked like a clown today because of your badly applied makeup- again, the exaggeration is obvious.
The best way to avoid negative self-talk is to treat yourself how you would treat other people- be reflective and patient with your own mistakes. You can be reflective and caring about yourself at the same time.
3. People Pleasing
Image Credit: Resume Genius from Unsplash
People pleasing is when someone tries to help others or give their attention to others to the extent that it harms their own well-being. This is often done because of the need for outside validation, because somebody doesn’t have the confidence in themselves to not feel the need to push themselves to unhealthy extremes. Furthermore, this can be seen through someone having trouble saying no, I can’t do that. People pleasing results in someone not having boundaries, which means that they will let other people in their lives ask for too much of them.
People pleasing allows the person to take the energy they should be spending on themselves into other people. Essentially, it is a socially acceptable way for them to ignore their own needs and causes them to lose balance over their lives, furthering their feelings of inadequacy.
Take the Quiz: What Color Palette Is Your Soul Made Of?
Discover your true colors with this quiz!
Boosting Our Confidence
Image Credit: Tod Kent from Unsplash
In this section, I will go through some techniques that have helped me personally in getting me to understand I am capable of doing hard things- hopefully it'll help you too!
1. Compliment Yourself
Image Credit: Carolina Veronez from Unsplash
Having low self-esteem caused me to have trouble seeing the sides of me that were good, whether it was in my appearance or my personality- it was challenging to notice the things that made me a good friend and family member. When I received compliments, I had trouble agreeing with them.
So the solution? Seeing my good parts in myself.
We can do this “seeing” literally by simply looking in a mirror- in the bathroom, at a store, it doesn’t really matter- and just look at ourselves. We can start by saying things like, “I really like my smile” or “I love my hair today.”
The most important part is that you believe what you are telling yourself. For someone with very low self-confidence, this part can be very difficult, so take your time. You should try to come up with at least 5 parts of yourself you like, appearance-wise.
Personally, I would recommend doing this every day, especially since it can be harder to do on bad days. By doing it daily, you build up a feeling that you can acknowledge your own unique beauty!
Personality is a little bit harder to compliment, especially since it may feel a little weird, but you can do it by utilizing other people. What I mean by this is when somebody else compliments you, maybe by saying something like “Wow! You're so smart!” You can tell yourself, “Yeah, I am so smart!” I usually like to exaggerate the compliment, maybe by thinking something along the lines of “I’m literally the next Einstein,” so I can really boost my confidence while having a fun time, too.
2. Treat Yourself
Image Credit: Evangelina Silina from Unsplash
So this can look different from person to person, but whether you're trying out new makeup or hanging out with friends, treating yourself can really boost your self-esteem. The reason why this is the case is because if you treat yourself like you deserve to be cherished and appreciated, then you will eventually have to confidence to believe you do. Plus, by having a good time, you can boost your overall mental health beyond your self-image.
It’s important to remember that these little moments that you spend on yourself don’t have to be extravagant- really, the simpler the better, because you can do many of these little things over time. As my therapist once said: “You're just adding another positive into your bucket.” Over time, your bucket will become fuller and fuller, and maybe your confidence bucket will be filled too!
3. Form Positive Relationships
Image Credit: Timon Studler from Unsplash
Oftentimes, we build negative relationships with quote on quote ‘friends’ that can really drag down our self-image, especially if these people bully you or bring you down for amusement. For this reason, it is important to form relationships that make you feel good and ensure that you feel safe.
One way to do this is to set boundaries with the people around you- don’t feel obligated to help or do things for other people just because they are your friends. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be generous, but overextending yourself can lead to people pleasing, which can greatly impact your view of yourself.
This can be very hard, and from my experience, sometimes you have to sacrifice some friendships; however, overall, you will be happier with people who respect you. By forming these healthy relationships, you can help validate your worth, that you deserve to have relationships that are meaningful to you.
Conclusion
Image Credit: Lucky Ali Khan from Unsplash
Having low self-esteem not only harms your mental wellbeing but also your physical wellbeing, depending on how you handle stress.
Belief and confidence in oneself are key components of being able to keep up with life's demands. By taking time for ourselves and acknowledging our shortcomings in a caring manner, we can help build the foundations for a bright and bold future.
