Welcome, dear reader, to the club for all those people whose crush didn't like them back. Contrary to TV's perspective, you are not alone and our club is quite plentiful. Today, I am not only going to tell you how you're not alone, but we're going to discuss what you should do now.
Stage 1 - Overthinking
You're probably thinking about why they don't like you back.
Well, the first thing to remember is that none of the reasons you may come up with have anything to do with you, but rather have everything to do with them. So first things first, and you will need to remind yourself of this constantly in the early stages of those moments when you see them and feel that little pang, it's not you. You're amazing and strong and a great person to be around. Just because your crush doesn't see this has nothing to do with you and how incredible you are.
Now that that's out of the way, let's get down to the nitty-gritty of the matter. There are a variety of ways to handle this, although I'll tell you now that nothing will work immediately and magically make your feelings go away. However, there are some things you can do that will help after the fact.
Stage 2 - Let's Be Honest
Ask yourself honestly, do you think you could be in a relationship with them? It seems like a simple answer, right? You'd think, "Yes, otherwise, why would I be crushing on this person?"
However, it is not always that simple. Sometimes we get caught up in the idea of a person more than the actual person. Look at your crush in an honest light with flaws, pet peeves, and all, and then look at yourself.
See if you honestly have things in common or did it just seem that way through rose-colored glasses. What are some things you didn't notice about this person because you were/are crushing on them? Realistically, what do you think your relationship would look like? While initially, this may seem like it would hurt more than it would help, sometimes it can help us see things about our crush that we were missing at first, and that can make it easier to get over them.
Stage 3 - How Should I Handle This?
Is your crush also your friend? Were they your friend before you started crushing on them?
The first thing most people will say is, "Oh well, just don't hang around the person." What people don't realize is that it is so difficult because, aside from being your crush, this person is also a legitimate friend whose company you enjoy.
So, for those who don't/can't distance themselves from the person, I suggest that you consider your friendship. Ask yourself if you think you can stay friends with this person and if you think your crush will go away. Also, if they're a close friend, you may not want to tell them for risk of your friendship going slightly awry and honestly that's a-OK. Nevertheless, you're probably still wondering how we're going to address the getting over them problem.
Stage 4 - Getting Over Them
It probably won't surprise you if I say more than anything time is what really helps. However, time isn't the only thing that will help. Focus on yourself and doing things that you enjoy, because when you're doing things that genuinely make you happy and take up your time, your mind won't even have time to focus on your crush.
This can range from throwing yourself your own personal dance party to baking all day- honestly, just do whatever works for you. For example, scream singing to Paramore has always worked for me.
Also, spend time with people who you love and who make you smile, like friends and family. In short, focus on you and you'll find yourself worrying about your crush less and less.
Special Option
For the especially brave and outgoing, weigh the risk-to-reward ratio and consider telling the person how you feel. Sometimes your crush is simply clueless and they aren't picking up on the fact that you like them. It can seem risky, especially with the fear that the person will say "no" and things will become weird, hence why I say to weigh the risk and imagine how you will feel if they say "no." and if this really feels like something you need to tell them or if it's a passing phase.
Closing Thoughts
If you take nothing else from this article except a good cry (which we fully support, by the way), I want you to remember that whatever the reason your crush doesn't like you, don't let your next steps depend on them. Let your next steps depend on you, what you need, and what is best for your growth and self-love.
